


Shadows

by kpoots99



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Badass Clarke, Extremely Slow Burn, F/F, F/M, Mind Control, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-01 07:51:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 45,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4011739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kpoots99/pseuds/kpoots99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the fall of Mount Weather, a deal is struck. Clarke gives everything yet again to save her people, but this time she might not be able to run away from this choice. Lexa's choice might have set these events in motion but now she will have to deal with the shadows in the woods.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The deal

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first one of these, so sorry if its a little rough, let me know what you think/ want me to continue.

It wasn’t until daybreak the morning after the attack on mount weather that the last of the grounders made it back to TonDC, and an eerie silence that hung over the camp.  
Most grounders did not care one way or the other about the seemingly doomed fate of the sky people, and were elated to have so many of their friends and family returned to them, but a victory with out battle felt hollow and unworthy of great celebration.  
Lexa sent those who were fit to tend to the wounded and start up the guard rotation, once her duties to her people were satisfied she slipped away to her tent.

She tried to focus on what she had gained that night, she tried to focus on the families of her people that she reunited, she tried to remember that she never had a choice and that the commander would always pick her people first, she tried….

The look of betrayal in Clarke’s eyes stayed on the insides of her eyelids as she desperately fought for sleep.

 

In the days following their retreat from mount weather, Lexa had sent scouts out both into the woods surrounding the mountain as well as toward camp Jaha. If any grounder tribe had been betrayed the way she had the skikru, a war would be guaranteed, but the sky people are different. Lexa did not truly expect a retaliatory strike from them but would be naïve to not keep an eye on them. (and maybe, just maybe, she wanted to make sure that Clarke made it back)

She would have gone herself but that would have given her a comfort that she did not deserve, she did not deserve to see that Clarke returned safely after she left her broken on that mountainside.

Reports slowly trickled in from her scouts; ice nation soldiers had been seen close to the boarder, no signs of movement from Camp Jaha, and all was quiet around the base of the mountain.

Lexa tried to quiet her mind by keeping busy.

The presence of the ice nation soldiers near the boarder did not seem to be that out of the ordinary, for they were most likely regrouping and preparing for the return to their homes. Just as everyone else, they had lost many in the bombing of TonDC.

What did perplex her however was the lack of movement from the mountain, if they had indeed cured themselves of themselves and were now able to step foot above ground…. Why had they not seen them? Surely they would not remain underground now that they were free.

_“Indra!”_  
_“Yes, Commander?”_  
_“I will be taking a group of 15 of our warriors to the mountain, I will expect an update on our warriors recovery as well as an update on the ice nation soldiers on the boarders”_  
_“Of course Commander, is there knew news from the Mountain Men?”_  
_“No, that is what concerns me”_

They left at midday for the mountain, and reached the base by sundown. Wanting to give adequate time to scout out the surrounding area and avoid having to deal with the possibility of booby-traps in the darkness, they camped in the surrounding trees.

As she lay there waiting for the sun to rise, Lexa couldn’t help wondering what exactly she wanted to find in there. She in no way believed them worthy of breathing another breath let alone a breath of fresh air outside of their stone prison. But the Commander would not start another war when she had just saved her people bloodshed. And part of her remembers how Clarke wished to save the children. Clarke who led with compassion, something that you cant do on the ground. Although she doesn’t even think Clarke would have taken the deal she did.

Morning came and they approached the big metal door, but there was no answer. They waited and still no answer. Finally Lexa remembered that Indra had been in the tunnels during the initial attack, due to the reaper entrance. So they made their way through to that secondary door.

It was ajar which initially put them on edge. This was the mountain that had been impenetrable for the past 4 generations. And the door was left open.

Lexa walked through the halls, sword in hand, and found nothing. It wasn’t until the second level that they began to find the evidence of a battle. There were bloodstains in the halls and things thrown about as if it has been evacuated in haste.

It was at the doorway to level five that they stopped dead in their tracks, a wall of odor that only can be described as death hit them. As they stepped through the door, they were met by a littering of mutilated and bloated bodies. They all looked as though they had simply dropped dead in the middle of their day. Some were still at the dining table, while others huddled on couches.

Remaining stoic as ever, but unable to bare the stench any longer, she bayed her men to return with her to the surface. With her mind reeling from the day’s discoveries, she returned to camp. Nothing else need be done with the mountain, it was an evil place, none of her people would set foot on its land and it was evident now that it would no longer be a threat to them.

It was only after they had returned from camp and she had gotten word from one of her scouts that the one called Bellamy had been seen at the skikru camp that the sheer magnitude of what had happened dawned on Lexa. She had done it. Clarke had saved them. And in doing so she killed them all. This thought overwhelmed her, for she first could not help the sense of happiness that filled her at the thought that she had not been the cause of Clarke’s peoples demise. Even if Clarke didn’t believe it, she did care. But almost just as quickly she was filled with dread for what she is sure this decision did to Clarke.

The morning brought no knew news on the skikru, but troubling reports on the boarder with the ice nation. The number of troops had doubled, and they appeared to be equipped for battle. Lexa sent her stealthiest warriors to try to figure out their intentions before it ended in conflict. The less she had to interact with the ice nations, the better. It wasn’t even because of their queen, who had beheaded one of the few people she has ever truly cared for, but their warriors put her teeth on edge. Little is known of the exact process of ice nation training, but she knows that the queen employs a kind mental and medicinal control over her warriors. It makes them stronger, faster, and more obedient. But above all, they have a slight deadness to their eyes that puts Lexa ill at ease.

Clarke’s defeat of the mountain spread like wildfire throughout the trikru villages. They were thankful of the defeat of one of their most dangerous enemies, and spoke of her as a god who smote the mountain with a swing of her hand.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
_“if I go with you willingly you will leave them alone? You will leave them both alone?”_  
_“Not that I understand why you care what happens to the trikru now… yes if you come with me now, and willingly agree to what I have proposed, then yes. I will leave now with out a second glance back. For I will have what I want and will have no need for them.”_  
_“Very well then, it is settled”_  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_“I am not sure why Commander, but the ice nation troops are gone”_  
_“Completely?”_  
_“Yes Heda, only their fire circles remain”_  
_“Very well, continue to patrol the area and keep me apprised of any changes”_  
_“Of course”_

This turn of events should have been good news, but as the scout left her tent Lexa couldn’t help but fell like something was wrong. Something that didn’t feel right and required her attention before it could have grave ramifications in the future. But the Commander had to push that little voice to the back of her mind and continue her preparations for her return to Polis.

Lexa returned to Polis three days later. The same day that 50 miles north, Clarkes screams began.


	2. trade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's reunion with the skikru isn't exactly what she was hoping for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it is a bit slow at the beginning, it will pick up soon I promise

**One year later**

 

“ _Commander, the skikru have arrived”_

_“Thank you Tilla, please send them in”_

Lexa waited with a straight back and a knuckle white grip on her sword. She had not spoken to Clarke or any of the skikru since that day that she left them on the mountain. But that was not the topic of this meeting; they had requested to open a trade route with some of her villages.

 

Around her table were a few of the village leaders from the areas in question, in addition to some of her personal guards. There had been peace for the most part since the fall of the mountain and so Lexa believed that negotiations should run rather smoothly. The Commander does not usually preside over trade arrangements, but since the skikru were an unusual case and not part of the coalition yet, she had decided to host the talks in Polis. And maybe a small part of her was hoping to see the blonde.

 

The first to step through the doorway was Marcus, followed by Abby, Bellamy, and some other sandy haired man she did not recognize. Lexa released a breath she did not know she had been holding and her stomach dropped at the lack of her presence. Why had Clarke not come? Was it so she didn't have to see her or perhaps something worse, was she sick and unable to make the trip? As she schooled her features and regained her composure, she pushed those thoughts away to do what she always must, be the Commander, and this was not the time for selfish questions.

 

The negotiations went as well as was expected, the skikru needed much, but had made impressive advances in ground medicine and so both parties were able to come to an agreement. There were many times through out the talks that she would catch Bellamy glaring at her from across the table, clenching and unclenching his jaw. She did not think much of it, for she did basically leave him to die in that mountain. It was not until she would notice him glancing around expectantly every time someone entered the room that it peeked her interest.

 

As the skikru made preparations to start their return journey, Lexa approached the group unable to ignore the questions swirling around her head anymore.

“ _Bellamy, may I have a word?”_

_“Is she here?”_ He replied after a few paces in her direction, not being what she had expected Lexa faltered for a minute.

“ _What? Who?”_

_“Clarke, is Clarke here? Are you hiding her? Are you keeping her here?”_ Bellamy continued in a kind of focused desperation. 

Her stomach dropping further, she attempted to process this information. Clarke was not with Bellamy, she was not at the camp. Where could she be? She had been comforted with the idea that Clarke was safe with her people, but now that has come crumbling down.

“ _You have been misinformed, Clarke is not here, why would she be?”_

Bellamy’s face crumples and a tiredness comes to his eyes

_“She left us, the day after the attack on the mountain, she just left”_

_“What do you mean she just left? Left to go where?”_

_“She didn’t tell me, she just couldn’t take seeing our people after what she had to do in the mountain, so she left”_

Lexa would not allow this to affect her, not here, not in front of these people.

_“Well I assure you she has not been here, nor has she been seen in any of our lands, and if any of that changes we will send word to your camp”_

_“Thank you Commander”_ The steel returned to his voice in response to her curt and business-like response, and turned on his and returned to his people.

 

After they had left, she sent her riders out into the woods in search of the skai prisa. Lexa had kept her distance when she believed Clarke to be safe and at the camp, but now that she was possibly out roaming her lands she needed to find her, to keep her safe.

 

The searches did not reveal Clarke’s location, but it did bring about the discovery that her boarder patrol warriors were disappearing along the ice nation boarder. There were no reports of the cause or perpetrator for these disappearances, all that they had were whispers of a shadow in the night.


	3. Shadows in the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The stories of the shadow increase, finally Lexa is left with no choice but to take action

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is coming soon I promise

**6 months later**

 

The stories of the shadow in the woods spread like wildfire, and the sightings only grew in frequency and severity. Her people in the boarder villages were scared to leave their homes after dark, and many had started to move inland.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taris and his brother Pau had volunteered for that nights guard shift. Their youngest brother had been the one scheduled to walk the river path but hadn’t been able to come out from under his covers for fear of the trikova who is said to move with out sound, and has not been seen except for its shadow.

_“did you see that?”_ Taris said a few paces behind Pau

_“see what?”_

_“I saw something move over there, something dark”_ Pau could hear the fear start to creep into his brother’s voice

_“you are seeing things, there is nothing out there, the shadow doesn’t exist. It is just something the warriors tell the children to keep them close to home at night”_ Pau tried to reason with his brother. It was going to be a long night if Taris was pulling his sword out at every imagined sound.

_“well how do you explain all the disappearances??”_

_“people disappear all the time, it could be a pauna or even some might have gotten too close to the ice nation boarder. There is no mystical shadow warrior”_

_“I heard the ice queen has black magic, and commands legions of men that are neither alive or dead” Taris prattled on “and then there is of course the legend of jusgona, they say that a warrior that goes through jusgona will have the strength double that of a pauna AND can see in pitch darkness!”_

_“First of all the ice queen does not have black magic, she is just skilled with herbs and medicines. Second if you had even bothered to listen to the rest of the jusgona story you would know its not real, there is nobody who would willingly do that, or is there any way a man can be stronger that a pauna.”_ Pau was exasperated at this point. Had his brother taken every single one of their father’s bedtime stories as fact? Unable to deal with younger brothers constant ludicrous ideas, Pau sped up a bit to check on western most edge of the path.

 

Pleased with the silence, Pau allowed his mind to wander. Not that he believed in any of his brother’s stupid stories, but the disappearances did trouble him. There were far too many to be a single animal, and if it indeed was the ice nation, they would need to mount a retaliation soon.

 

The silence had lasted too long.

 

_“Taris?”_ There was no response. There hadn’t been a day since that boy was born that he failed to take the opportunity to speak.

_“Taris where are you?!”_ Still nothing

 

As he rounds the bend he lets loose a strangled cry, he finds Taris lying across the path with a spear protruding from his chest. The spear its self is rather ordinary but what catches his eye is a blue and white ice nation flag fixed to the top. Pau stands transfixed at the sight, unable to move, unable to speak. Out of the corner of his eye he catches the glimpse of a shadow dart by. And suddenly there is a breath on the back of his neck and in a hushed whisper he hears….

“ _time to set the wheels in motion”_

And then there is a loud crack, pain lances through his head and it all goes black.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

There is a rider in Polis by morning to inform Lexa of what has happened in the boarder village of Delpha.

 

Cursing the gods that would lead the Ice Queen to believe she could be so bold, Lexa commanded her warrior to prepare for a journey to the northern boarder. The Ice Queen clearly intends to demand something of her and has chosen to present this summons in the form of a murdered member of her tribe.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Meanwhile, a familiar face has returned to the TonDC area and begins to set up camp.

“ _not long now, not long”_ she keeps murmuring to herself


	4. The Snare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa runs into a familiar face on the trip to Camp Jaha

Bellamy woke early that morning, he couldn’t quite place it but he felt something different on the air, something had changed.

“ _Good morning Bell! I didn’t expect to see you out this early”_ Octavia called from the other side of the fence. She had been out hunting with Lincoln and was hauling a surprisingly normal looking deer (this one only had three eyes).

“ _Morning O, how were the woods today? Any sign of the infamous shadow?”_ Bellamy didn’t take much stock in the grounder myths but honestly he was glad that Lincoln was glued to her hip.

“ _nah, you know me, if I had that shadow would have been toast”_

Bellamy chuckled as he moved to open the gates. Just as he was moving to close the latch he could have sworn he saw something watching them from the tree line. But as soon as he glanced back up it was gone.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Lexa and her warriors arrived in the village of Delpha by the next morning. The trip normally required a day and a half but Lexa spurred their horses faster, wanting to understand what was going on before war erupted.

 

_“Heda!” “Heda is here!”_ the shouts could be heard rippling through the village as soon as they made it to the gates.

 

_“Welcome Commander”_ The village leader Leod greeted them at the entrance to the small village. Most of the villagers could be seen poking their heads out of their homes to see the Commander and her warriors, but in the far northern area a funeral pier was being prepared.

 

_“Has a messenger been sent?”_ Lexa asked, already knowing the answer to the question.

_“yes Heda, he waits at the border”_

_“then that is where I will be, please provide food and water for my warriors, Bret and Theor will come with me”_

As they approached the clearing that marked the boarder separation, a rider could be seen clad in blue and white. Each party dismounted and made their way to the middle of the clearing.

 

_“I have a message for you from my queen, but it is only for the Commander”_ The rider drew out the last word with clear distaste.

_“Very well I am here, deliver your message and depart from this area, you are not welcome here”_

_“It is you that are not welcome but that will come later, my queen sends her regards and will be seeing you soon”_ Has soon as he had handed over an envelope of thick parchment, the rider was off.

 

Lexa’s stomach had begun to sink even before she had opened the envelope, the Ice Queen’s presence only ever ended in pain for her. But what was written inside took the bottom out of her stomach entirely.

**I know of what happened at TonDC, jus drein jus daun**

The Queen was taking back what she had lost in TonDC, but if Lexa was being honest with herself the Ice Queen did not need an excuse. Now that the mountain had fallen she should have known that war was eminent.

 

_“It is war then”_ was all Lexa said to her warriors as she mounted her horse once more and made her way back to the village.

 

The ice nation was huge in comparison to the other tribes, and with it many more warriors. Lexa knows that she cannot hope to defeat them with out the aid of the remaining tribes of the coalition. The closest of which being the skikru (not that they are officially part of the coalition, but they would be a beneficial ally none the less) and so she would go there first. She sent riders out towards the remaining tribes and told all to be prepared for battle.

 

As they made their way through the familiar forest, Lexa couldn’t help but remember when she was last pulled into this region for the purpose of war. The skikru had fallen into their lands and attacked their people. That had turned out much better than she had expected when riding in the first time, maybe this time would be no different, maybe they could avoid further bloodshed. But how much of that had been her, and how much of that had been the doing of the skai prisa? Lexa just hoped that she could do the same with out Clarke this time.

 

Lexa was broken out of her line of though by the sounds of snapping twigs off to the left of the path. The ice nation would not be that bold…. Or that noisy. As they dismounted, drawing their swords, they heard more rustling and a loud thump.

_“shoot”_ they heard and then some nondescript mumbling as the rustling continued.

 

One of Lexa’s warriors pulled back a branch to reveal a very muddy figure, sitting at the base of a tree they clearly had just fallen out of, holding a snare. The mud completely covered the figure from head to toe, obscuring any identifying features. Oblivious of being watched, the figure let loose a sigh, morosely staring at the lack of anything attached to the snare.

 

Lexa then cleared her throat, hoping to alert this slightly pathetic looking individual of their presence with out startling them. Their head snapped up, locking on to the figures standing before them. Lexa couldn’t place it but she could have sworn she saw something flash in their eyes before it was replaced with recognition.

_“Lexa”_ the voice said, and although obscured face didn’t match, Lexa knew that voice. It was Clarke’s voice.

“ _Clarke?”_ Lexa asked in disbelief

Clarke only nodded in response. Signaling her warriors to put their weapons away she moved closer.

_“Where have you been Clarke, your people have been worried”_ (I have been worried) remaining unsaid

Ignoring the question Clarke raises to her feet _“How did you find me?”_

_“well you weren’t exactly being quiet”_

Clarke merely nods again and makes her way over to the stream to wash off some of the mud.

 

As she does, Lexa stoops down to pick up the snare that apparently had failed Clarke in her attempt to hunt. Her apparent plan at hiding in the tree while luring her prey to her was naïve and almost child like, but at a second glance Lexa notes that the knots used were intricate and advanced. Dismissing her questions for now, Lexa went to join Clarke by the stream.

 

As Clarke methodically rinses the mud from herself, Lexa can’t help but watch. Clarke seemed to move with a lightness and agility she did not have before. There didn’t appear to be the crushing burden of command written all over her as the last time she saw her.

 

_“Clarke, you need to return to your people, it is unsafe to be traveling the woods alone”_

_“yes, yes, I am well aware of the dangers of the woods Lexa. But that is not why you want me to return to Camp Jaha now is it?”_ Clarke raised her eyebrow at Lexa, seeming to have seen through her words.

Slightly taken aback, Lexa responded: “ _And what would you know of my intentions Clarke?”_

_“Well for starters, with the ice nation calling for war it is natural that you would be calling on the skikru for assistance. And you never seemed to like working with the council, particularly my mother, so am I correct in assuming you would want me there to help with that?”_ Clarke responded

Lexa could detect no bitterness or spite as she would have expected, but honestly this is what she was hoping for so who was she to question it.

_“Clarke, how did you know that the ice nation had declared war?”_

_“Word travels quickly out here Lexa”_ Clarke responded brushing off the question.

 

Having finished washing off the majority of the mud, Clarke goes over to a nearby bush and pulls a small sack from behind it.

“ _well looks like there is little choice in the matter, shall we get going?”_

Slightly taken aback by her quick agreement, Lexa falters before leading Clarke over to where her warriors and horses are waiting. Not having an extra horse with them Lexa orders one of her guards to give his horse to Clarke and walk back to Polis.

 

The ride to Camp Jaha was not a long one, but it was done in almost complete silence. Lexa frequently found herself glancing over at Clarke, only to drag her eyes back onto the path in front of them. Clarke was sitting straight in the saddle, tension could be seen in the set of her back, but did not attempt conversation. Lexa could see her fists clench whenever rustling of a bush broke the silence or a bird took flight.

 

As they approached the edge of the clearing, sounds of life could be heard making their way through the trees. The top of the fallen space station could be seen peeking above the treetops. And for the first time since they had run into her, Lexa could see a slight smile tugging at the edge of Clarke’s mouth.

 

_“home”_ she heard her say under her breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still working out exactly how I want to write Clarke, not sure yet if I will try to write from her point of view yet.


	5. Moonshine and laughs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All seems to be falling back into place as Clarke reunites with her people, well ... almost

Octavia watched as Lincoln went about methodically skinning the rabbit she had caught earlier, separating the skin from meat. And then proceeded to cut the meat in to strips that they would smoke later.

“ _you are staring”_ Lincoln commented with out looking up, a small smirk playing at his lips

“ _shut up, I am learning by watching”_

_“perhaps that would be beneficial if you had actually been looking at my hands, instead of everywhere but”_ Lincoln’s smirk could even be heard in his voice now

Octavia just let out a frustrated huff and set about actually watching what he was doing.

 

Only moments later did Lincoln realize he had once again lost her attention. Glancing up he noticed Octavia staring off to the left of his shoulder with wide eyes and a somewhat surprised and disbelieving expression. Turning to see what she was staring at, Lincolns gaze first zeroed in on the Commander’s form against the tree line surrounded by some of her guards. Where as her presence was not expected, Lincoln would have expected more of a resigned glare from his loved one rather than bewilderment. Then a small movement to her right caught his attention and he finally understood. There was Clarke, sitting atop of a horse looking out across the camp. Lincoln and Octavia watched them for a moment until shouts started to echo through the camp. Apparently they were not the only ones who had seen their new arrivals.

 

_“The Commander is here!” “Quick get the Chancellor!” “is that who I think it is?” “Quick has someone told Abby yet?!” “Get to the gate!”_

Suddenly the camp was all-abuzz, running around and trying to spread the word. They watched as the figures slowly approached the gate and dismounted from their horses.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

With each step Clarke took toward the gate Lexa could see the tension rolling off her. She became more relaxed, and perhaps even a little bouncy.

The gates swung open as they approached and Lexa barley had time to see a flash of brown hair dart out before Abby had Clarke in her arms.

_“Hey mom”_ Lexa heard Clarke grunt out from the constrictor like hug.

 

Clarke is quickly whisked away by a line of people hugging her. As Lexa makes her way into the Camp Marcus makes his way to her.

_“As much as we appreciate you returning Clarke to us, I imagine you have another reason for your visit”_

_“Indeed, but it will require all of the council members attention so take tonight to celebrate the return of one of your own. We can discuss it in the morning.”_

 

Lexa went about settling down with her people in one of the corners of the camp. She ordered her men to assist the sky people with any food preparations and to make sure there was enough meat for all. All the while Lexa kept her eye on Clarke. She was currently sitting with a group of her friends around one of the fires. Lexa couldn’t tell from here what they were talking about but she figured they were peppering her with questions. She could tell by the way Clarke’s back would straighten every once and a while that not all the questions were wanted ones.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Bellamy couldn’t believe his eyes. It had been over a year and a half but Clarke was back in front of them now. And she looked ok, she looked as though she was in decent shape, reasonably nourished, and no apparent wounds. None of which helped him any in figuring out what the hell she had been doing out there in the woods for the past year and a half. Clarke was equally vague with all of their questions. It really only took the fifth ignored question for them to realize she was not going to talk about what she had been doing. So easily enough they transitioned to telling her about what had happened at Camp Jaha since she had been gone. They talked about the harsh winter and how they spent most nights basically huddled on top of each other to conserve body heat. How in the spring they had found ways to use the newly sprouted herbs to supplement their dwindling medical supplies. And how they had recently started trading with the surrounding villages.

Bellamy couldn’t help but notice that every time the conversation strayed towards Lexa or the trikru Clarke would subtly tense. And when ever they had asked her about her time away she had gotten really fidgety and flinched away from those around her. Was this all still ramifications from that night at Mount Weather? Was it still that much of a burden on her mind? Making a mental note to stay away from these apparently painful topics, Bellamy decided to bring things full circle.

_“So princess, how about that drink now?”_ He said as he pulled a bottle of Monty’s moonshine out of his pocket.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Octavia had been watching from a distance, Clarke was back, and she was happy that she was ok. But honestly she didn’t know where that left them. She could never truly believe that what Clarke had done at TonDC was right, she couldn’t. But after seeing her make that same choice in Mount Weather she at least understood it. There had been no choice, and her people would have died. But she had told Clarke that she was done with her, and she didn’t know if she could take the words back.

 

_“I can hear you lurking”_

_“I doubt that, first I don’t lurk, second if I was you would not hear me”_ Lincoln responded from the shadows

_“ha you wish”_

_“Why don’t you go and greet her?”_ Lincoln responded ignoring the taunt

“ _I don’t know what I would say”_ She responded honestly

_“Well you will never find out unless you try”_

She hatted when her boyfriend made sense, which was all the time.

 

Octavia made her way over to the fire circle, where it appears they had consumed a fair amount of the moonshine by this point. Clarke had her back to her and was in the process of dropping a washer that was perched on her nose into a cup at her feet. As it landed in the cup to cheers, Octavia put her hand out and lightly touched Clarke on the back to gain her attention. In a split second Clarke was facing her with a vice like grip on her wrist and looked as though she was about to throw her to the floor. But just as quickly, what ever had flashed in her eyes was replaced by regret and she had let go of Octavia’s wrist. The group had gone dead silent.

_“I am sorry Octavia, you startled me”_ Clarke mumbled as she scratched absentmindedly at the back of her neck.

_“How did you move that fast?”_ Said Octavia who momentarily had forgotten why she had come over.

_“I… uh…. I am just still a little jumpy from being out in the woods for so long.. big animals and all that.. sorry”_

_“Clarke, its ok, you just startled me too. Actually I just wanted to come over here and say.. I am glad you aren’t dead”_ Octavia said that last part quickly, shooting her an apologetic look. She hoped that it would convey the meaning underneath, that she didn’t hate her anymore, and that she understood.

Clarke suddenly grinned that old Clarke grin, the one they hadn’t seen in a really long time. “ _me too”_

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

After they had all dispersed to their respective tents Bellamy was walking by the medical bay on his way to check on the northern guard post when she heard raised voices coming from inside.

_“No mom you can’t do a medical work up on me, I am FINE!”_ Clarkes voice floated out of the cracked door

“ _Honey you were out there for a year and a half, just let me make sure you didn’t catch anything.”_ Abby’s slightly exasperated voice responded back.

“ _I am perfectly capable of assessing that myself, I am not a child!”_

_“I didn’t say you were, everyone needs to have a medical check up from time to time, its procedure”_

_“Not when they have medical training, which I DO, so leave it be!”_ Clarke stormed out of the medical bay moments later. Bellamy was far enough away that she didn’t see him. She hurried off in the direction of her tent, rubbing the back of her neck seemingly lost in thought.

That was odd.

 

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Lexa was doing a security check of the perimeter when she saw Clarke walking in the direction the southern gate. Its not that she didn’t trust the skikru security… but she felt better doing it herself. She watched as Clarke walked past her tent and slipped through one of the gaps in the electric fence. Lexa decided to follow, not knowing where she was going but knew that Clarke shouldn’t be in the woods alone. As she slipped through the same hole she watched as Clarke slipped into the forest. Following the same path she walked a few feet into the wooded area and stopped. There was no sign of her, no sound and no trail. How had she done that? There wasn’t even a sign that any human had been through here in the past few days. Lexa tried in vain for the next hour to pick up Clarkes trail before she resigned herself to heading back to camp. She would need to have words with Clarke in the morning. People just don’t learn how to do that by themselves.

 

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Two hours later and 40 miles north of the camp, a queen and her warriors mount their horses set out in the direction of the mountain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you would like me to focus more or less on certain things, I have a lot of different strings of thought running at the same time.


	6. War preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With what seems to be an inevitable war, a meeting is in order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the irregular posting, honestly I am just typing them out and posting them when ever I have time (i had the day off today thus two chapters)

Lexa rose with the sun as she usually did and started her preparations for that day. She dressed, forgoes the war paint but still donned the Commanders armor, today would be about the impending war. Few were out this early in the camp as she made her way out of the tent, the skikru were not early risers. Some of her warriors had gone out for an early morning hunt. As she walked through the rows of tents and huts she spotted a familiar head of golden curls.

Clarke was sitting by the fire ring where she and her friends had gathered the night previous and was staring down at a notebook in her hands.

 

As Lexa approached she saw that familiar tension return to Clarke’s back.

_“Clarke”_

_“Lexa”_ Clarke’s eyes came up to meet hers and she saw that flash of something return, only to disappear the next second, almost like she had imagined it. She swallowed, deciding that perhaps this was not the time to interrogate her.

_“I was just going to let you know that a meeting with the council will be convened later today and I would like to request your presence as well”_

Clarke simply nodded.

_“Very well, I will see you then Clarke”_ And Lexa strides away with out another word. Had she looked back, she would have seen Clarke’s eyes following her with an almost confused expression, then shake her head as if to clear her thoughts.

 

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Lincoln was up long before Octavia, he usually was. Most mornings he is content to just sit there and sketch or listen to the sounds of the morning, but not today. He saw the tail end of the brief and strained interaction between the Commander and Clarke, and he noticed the questioning stare that she gave Lexa as she walked away. Perhaps that relationship was not entirely unfixable. He saw as Clarke then shook her head to clear what ever was running through her mind, scratching at the back of her neck. He muffled a small gasp then because Clarke had brushed back some of her hair absentmindedly to reveal several parallel white scars running down her neck. They were too close together and straight to be from an animal or any kind of accident. No wonder Clarke had not wanted to talk about what had happened to her while she was gone. Outside of the tribes Lincoln knew that it could get pretty dangerous out there and there were many that wished harm on the skikru.

He moved away then not wanting to be caught staring, people kept secrets for a reason and he was sure Clarke would share hers when she was ready.

 

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Everyone filed into the room and took their seats pretty quickly once the announcement had been made. Clarke stayed in the back corner of the room, not sitting with the rest of the council.

 

_“So as you all know, I have not come here solely to return Clarke to you. There is trouble to the north that you need to be made aware of.”_

_“What kind of trouble Commander?”_ Asked Bellamy

_“The Ice Queen has called for war, I am not sure yet the particulars of her demands yet but you will need to be prepared for what ever comes”_

_“What exactly are you asking of them Commander”_ Clarkes voice cuts through the silence. Lexa looks up to meet the cold calculating eyes she finds staring at her, waiting for an answer.

_“I am asking if the skikru will fight with us if it comes to battle. I understand that you are not officially under my command, as you are not part of the coalition. But if it does come to war, make no mistake that the fighting will reach your camp. It is better if we all stand now united against the ice nation or risk us each falling individually. Do not be fooled, the ice nation is mighty and has many warriors. They might have grown up in a desolate area but it has made them strong.”_

Lexa looks around to see if her words have made an effect. Even though the fear is evident in their eyes she can see that there is a sense of determination as well.

_“She is right”_ Bellamy speaks up _“We need all the allies we can get. And if this army is as powerful as the Commander says, we will stand no chance on our own.”_

_“But this isn’t our fight! They didn’t declare war on us, this is a grounder thing!”_ Shouts the same sandy haired man Lexa had seen back at the trade agreements.

_“We ARE grounders now, and if_ you _think that little technicality will keep the ice nation from killing us along with the trikru then you are an idiot.”_ Bellamy replys cooley.

 

There were a few minor arguments and grumbling, but Lexa could see that the decision had been made. As she looked up to ask one of her warriors to send word out to the remaining tribes that the skikru would fight with them, she noticed an empty corner in the back of the room. She was not sure when Clarke had left or if she knew what the verdict had been.

 

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As the fog began to clear from her mind, Clarke found herself sitting next to the smoking hut. Brushing off the mud from her hands she sat there thinking but not really understanding. She was home, yes she was back home, she needed to hold on to that. She was with her people, she would keep them safe, wait… no…. what? Right the war, could she even keep them safe? There was a war coming… she needed to… she should…. Those grey green eyes… no stop focus.

Clarke shook her head again, pressing of the back of her neck, letting the fog come back to relieve her troubled mind and just forget.

 

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There was much that needed to happen before the ski people were ready for war. Lexa was hoping she would at least have a day before the Ice Queen would be at her border. There would be talks, demands would be made, and if necessary the war would begin.

 

Raven and a few other engineers had started to make more bullets as well as a few of the explosion devices they had prepared for the attack on Mount Weather. The guard was practicing their hand-to-hand combat, which Lexa was happy to see that they had incorporated some of the grounder style in their training.

 

Reports were coming in from the surrounding tribes and villages that the people were ready for battle if she so commanded it. Although it was accompanied by more troubling news. The one her people had named trikova or the shadow had popped up again. It seems that it had been taking out guard stations on the border under the cover of darkness and leaving ice nation flags in each one.

Lexa did not particularly care if the queen had a skilled warrior under her control, what she did care about though was what its reputation was doing to her peoples moral.

 

Lexa’s hopes went unfulfilled for she received word that the Queen had reached the border and was requesting an audience with the Commander. It was also requested that the meeting take place in the skikru camp, claiming that it would be the safest for both parties since they are not a part of either clan. Even though Lexa was sure the queen had another motive for wanting Camp Jaha as the meet location, she agreed regardless. Part of her simply was unwilling to leave with the possibility of danger on the horizon. The Queen would be at the gates by late afternoon.

 

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Bellamy found Clarke by the medical bay, she was sorting through a few things that had been hers before everything went crazy.

_“Hey princess”_

_“Hey Bellamy”_

_“Did you hear that the Ice Queen would be here in a couple hours?”_

_“What? That soon? I thought she wasn’t going to be here till tomorrow?”_ There was a slight desperation in her voice.

_“Hey hey its ok, she is just here to talk for now, it’s going to be alright”_

_“oh, yeah, your right”_ Clarke said while trying to regulate her breathing _“I just thought I was going to have a little more time Bell, that’s all”_

_“It will be alright, we are prepared, and the grounders have our back”_ Bellamy responds misunderstanding Clarkes words.

_“Just take care of them Bellamy, keep them safe”_

_“Always Clarke”_

Bellamy leaves Clarke to her thoughts and resumes his way to the armory.

 

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Lexa is on edge; she has not had to speak to the Ice Queen since she had formed the coalition. Which had been a few weeks after Costia had been beheaded. So she was not really looking forward to seeing her again. Striding out of her tent, she figured a walk would help to clear her head. She could also check on the status of the skikru’s preparations.

 

She sees Bellamy walk by, heading away from the medical quarters. Figuring a talk with Abby was overdue to see how the med-kits were coming, Lexa headed in that direction. Instead of finding Abby, she finds Clarke sitting outside one of the doors at a table looking at one of her notebooks again, pencil in hand.

_“Clarke”_ Lexa greeted in her usual curt manor

_“Lexa”_ Clarke responded with her cool emotionless tone that seemed to be only used when she was around.

Seeing that not much had changed from the morning, Lexa went to resume her walk.

_“wait”_ Lexa heard though it was barley above a murmur.

_“Yes Clarke?”_

_“Oh uh, did you need something?... my uh .. my mother is not around right now”_

_“Oh very well, I simply wished to speak with her about the war preparations. Do you need anything”_ Lexa responded moving back to the table

_“oh… no”_ Clarke looked unsure of pretty much everything coming out of her mouth. As if the fact she was speaking at all bewildered her.

_“alright then, would you like me to leave?”_

_“no… I mean… you don’t have to… if you don’t want to”_ She kept shaking her head as if it would help get the words out better.

_“Alright then, I will stay for a while”_

The two sat in silence, there were so many things that Lexa wanted to ask Clarke. But in her present state, it seems like letting Clarke bring them up herself was the best course of action.

The silence extends, the noise of the camp surrounds them, but Clarke continues to stare down at the blank page.

Finally in a small voice she hears: “ _I can’t draw anymore Lexa”_

_“What do you mean Clarke?”_

_“I just stare at the paper pencil in hand… and nothing happens… I don’t remember how”_ Clarke finally looks up at her and she can see how lost she feels as the desperation swirls in her eyes.

Lexa just wants to reach out and grab her hand, some small sign of comfort. But just as she gets up the courage to do so, horns start to blare off to the north. The Queen is here. Out of the corner of her eye she sees something shift in Clarke and as she looks back its like there is an entirely different person. All that turmoil she had just seen in her blue eyes had vanished, replaced by a kind of haunting steel. As she rose from her seat Clarke followed suit and they made their way to the gates.


	7. The Ice Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Ice Queen makes her demands known, and Lexa's response starts the dominos falling.

Abby watched as the guards pulled open the gates to allow the group of riders from the ice nation make their way in. The first thing she noticed was their white and blue clothing, it gave an almost elegant aura about them. And as the warriors parted a woman stepped out that Abby could only describe as 2/3 beautiful and 1/3 terrifying. She walked with an air of regality but seemed to cut through the air like a knife. Her raven colored hair fell to her shoulders which framed her alabaster skin and strikingly cold blue eyes.

The woman walked up to where the Commander and her daughter were standing and appeared to open with the formal greetings. The Commander, who despite her age always seemed to exude strength, appeared to shrink in her presence.

But Abby quickly fixed her eyes on her daughter, she had just got her back and was terrified that this new war would cause her to lose her again. Clarke had seemed different since she had gotten back yes, maybe a little distanced and jumpy. But Abby didn’t want to know what more death would do to her child’s already fractured psyche.

 

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_“Lexa, It is good to see you again”_ The Ice Queen says as she comes to a halt in front of the Commander.

_“Sona, I wish I could say the same. Shall we begin?”_ Lexa responds tersely.

_“Very well, If you don’t mind I would prefer to speak with you alone”_

With a nod from Lexa and a pointed look at her guards, the two leaders retreated into the meeting room. Leaving the ice nation warriors and the remaining sky people just standing around apprehensively starting at each other.  

 

_“Well as you have no doubt guessed, I am here for the blood I am owed after TonDC”_ Sona starts off as if she were stating something as menial as the weather.

_“You can cut the pretenses, we all lost warriors that day, you never wanted to be under my command. You are simply looking for more power.”_

_“My dear Lexa, we both know it is so much more than that. I vowed so long ago that I would do all that I could to destroy you. The coalition may have delayed my plan but make no mistake, it will be the last thing I do. I will take your position from you like I took your love. I will give you a chance to avoid the loss of life. If you announce to the people that you are transferring the burden of leadership of the tribes to me, then I will return my warriors to the ice nation. I will let them live, I will even let your sky people live.”_

Lexa was stunned for a moment, she didn’t just want more land, she wanted all of it. There was no way that she would be able to agree even if she wanted to. The Ice Queen would rule over her people as a tyrant. Lexa had heard the stories of what life was like in the ice nation, and subservience seemed to be how she kept her people in line.

_“You of all people should know that I can not do that Sona. I will never subject my people to your rule. Death would be a more favorable outcome.”_

Seemingly unfazed by her proclamation, the Ice Queen simply took a few steps toward the door.

_“I will return in one day, in one day I expect you will be feeling a little differently about the situation. Think about it.”_

And with that, the Ice Queen had strode from the room leaving Lexa’s head spinning. She knew that her mind would not change in one day.

 

As Lexa exited the meeting room, she sees the Queen and her warriors mount their horses and make their way to the gate’s entrance. She fixes Lexa with one final glance and the smirk plastered there gives her an uneasy feeling.

 

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Octavia is sitting by the clearing where their new guests are huddled outside of the meeting room. She watches while cutting away at a long pole she hopes to make into a spear. All of her previous attempts hadn’t flown right, never weighted properly. It’s a stupid straight stick, she didn’t see how it could be so complicated. Maybe she should have paid a little more attention to Lincoln when he was telling her about it. But the new tattoo on his bicep was so distracting.

Octavia was pulled out of her musings when one of the ice warriors got up and walked over to Clarke. She could see the girl visibly stiffen. Getting to her feet Octavia started to make her way over to the warrior and Clarke. From the tone of his voice it seemed like the warrior was trying to hit on Clarke, she couldn’t make any of it out but the waggling of the eyebrows was indication enough. As she got closer she realized why she couldn’t understand, it was not a language she understood, probably Icelandic.  Clarke did not seem to be having any of it, she just kind of stood their stiffly perhaps hoping he would leave if she didn’t respond. But once the warrior reached out to put a hand on her back Octavia decided it was time to step in. Just as Clarke flinched to his touch, Octavia’s hand closed around the ice warrior’s wrist, jerking him away from Clarke. The warrior shot one more thing over his shoulder at Clarke as Octavia drug him away. As she pushed the warrior away and turned back to Clarke, she noticed a look of sheer desperation on the girls face before it was replaced it with one of cold indifference.

_“Hey, you ok?”_ Octavia returned to Clarke’s side

_“Fine, thanks Octavia”_

_“No problem, what was he saying to you?”_

_“No idea, not sure if he speaks English”_ Clarke seemed to be relaxing again.

_“Well I am all for you finding someone, but sorry he is not getting my vote”_ Octavia responds with a smirk.

_“Ha, darn, he seemed like a catch”_ Clarke fired back but the smirk that spread over her face to match never reached her eyes.

 

Just then the Ice Queen came out of the meeting room. It really hadn’t been that long and Octavia had a feeling that wasn’t a good sign. The Queen strode past them, giving Octavia pointed stare, then shifting her gaze to Clarke. The Ice Queen really was beautiful, but that beauty seemed entirely unapproachable. She was terrifying. By the time Octavia was able to look away from the Queen, Clarke was no longer at her side.

 

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Raven set the pipe bomb she had been working on down, rubbing her forehead she tried to mull over everything that was happening. Bellamy had told her a few minutes ago what the Ice Queen had demanded of Lexa, as well as her promise to return in a day. What would they have to give up this time? The ground always seems to take something from them when ever trouble arises. The war with the grounders cost them Finn to stop. The battle of Mount Weather cost them many of her friends, including Clarke.

What would it cost them this time?

 

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Lexa sat down on her bed, nervous of what tomorrow meant. If she didn’t tell the Queen she had changed her mind then it would mean the beginning of a war. And she was not going to change her mind. War always meant loss. As she closed her eyes she wondered what tomorrow would bring, honestly it couldn’t be much worse than today.

 

As she drifted off, Lexa didn’t realize just how wrong she could be.

 

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The night was completely clear. Bellamy could see all the constellations that his mother had told him about. They looked a little different from this point of view, as opposed to the space station but he could still find them.

 

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Clarke found herself crouched next to a stream in the forest, submerging her hands in the surface of the water. What’s on my hands… no… no no no… oh right its blood, of course it’s blood, I need to get it all off before I return to camp. Wait why is there blood on my hands….. did I? A strangled gasp made it out of Clarke’s throat and tears started to run down her face. Her mind was going in and out with both a need for understanding and a dismissal of the truth.

 

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The sun was just beginning to rise in the sky when Lexa emerged from her tent. She had not gotten much sleep that night. Setting her jaw and preparing for what the day could bring she sets out around the camp. Checking on each of the guard stations and the status of the fence. As she passed by the grouping of tents by the kitchen she heard sniffling and a few strangled gasps. Rounding around one of the tents she finds Clarke sitting around on of the fire pits hunched over with her head in her hands.

_“Clarke? Are you ok?”_

_“oh .. Lexa.. yeah (_ sniff _) I am fine…”_

_“Are you sure?”_

_“……….no”_ Clarke finally responded. She finally picked her head out of her hands a looked at Lexa. The despair mirrored there nearly broke Lexa.

_“Clarke, what is it, what is wrong?? Is it the war with the ice nation? Because we will be ok, I will make sure we are ok.”_ Lexa promised not knowing what to say to fix the pain she was in.

_“its…. I….”_ Clarke stuttered out, seemingly choking on her words. Then she faltered and grew still. Lexa could see the cold indifference returning to her face, the mask forming over what was Clarke.

_“Hey, come back…. Please”_ Lexa says in a low voice, the last word almost as if it was to herself.

Clarke blinked, shook her head a few times, and looked back up at Lexa.

_“oh.. what?.. how did you do that?”_ Clarke replied weakly, the mask dissolving as quickly as it had come. The sadness was still in her eyes, but Lexa could see a sort of imploring hopefulness as well.

 

Before she could answer one of her warriors had run over, calling out to her. Lexa straightened up and allowed him to approach. The warrior said something to her in hushed tones and Lexa’s entire body went rigid, wracked with grief and anger.

 

The entire village of Delpha had been massacred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things have to get worse before they get better right? 
> 
> As always, let me know what you think!


	8. The Declaration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The massacre of the village was just the beginning. War is coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I had a hard time finding time to just sit down and write.

Lexa stood at the entrance to the village in horror. Ever since she had gotten word about the attack that morning, she had gone through the motions in a semi-dreamlike state. Slightly detached to the whole situation not really believing what had happened. But it could not be avoided now, the entire weight of the situation hit her.

Lexa was standing in the entrance of a village painted red in blood. Bodies littered the ground, men women and children. Those she reached first had clearly been caught off-guard in the attack, for they had simply had their throats slit. The closer she got to the center of the village, the more gruesome the bodies became. These ones appeared to have put up a fight. They show defensive wounds and many had fallen with their weapons out.

As they made their way silently through the city, none seemed able to speak while surrounded with such atrocities. The birds remained to chirp and a slight breeze blew its way through the surrounding forest, seemingly unaware of what lay beneath.

Lexa knew that this had to be the work of the ice nation, but she could not see a single body clad in blue and white. They must have returned with their dead. This was a trading village but all of her people were trained in battle and several warriors were stationed here. They had not been defenseless by any means. Lexa knew that she had no choice the other day, she could not have given in to the Ice Queen’s demands. But that did not relieve her guilt that this had been retaliation to her refusal. Yet again she had made a choice that lead to her people’s blood on her hands.

As the village center became visible the group came to a halt. Five heads had been mounted on spears in the wide-open area. The middle head Lexa recognized as the village leader, surrounded by what could only be his family. When she was finally able to tear her eyes away from the gruesome display in front of her she was able to see that below the spear with the chief’s head on it, was a crumpled figure. After a couple of seconds Lexa realized that it was still moving slightly.

_“Quick get the medic!”_

_“Of course Heda”_

Lexa strode over to the battered man on the ground. He had a rope tied around his neck that was fixed at the other end to the spear that was stuck in the ground. The man had clearly been brutalized and was bleeding from wounds that covered his upper torso and head.

_“You are going to be alright”_ Lexa said softly as she lightly touched his shoulder, which seemed to be the only place relatively uninjured.

The man jerked and slowly opened his eyes. They were glazed and unfocused at first but suddenly he seemed to recognize the Commander and they widened.

_“Heda..”_ He breathed out _“They are.. ice nation… attack.. dead..”_ He desperately to get the words out but couldn’t seem to form a complete thought.

_“Shhh it is alright warrior, they are no longer here, let us tend to your wounds”_

_“not they… coming.. its coming.. one..”_ He seemed to be fading now.

Lexa couldn’t let him go just yet though. _“What do you mean? One? Who is coming?”_

The man’s eyes which had closed again suddenly snapped open again. _“Trikova”_ and with that he slumped over and let out a last breath.

 

Lexa didn’t know how to process this last bit of information. There was no way that one man had slaughtered this entire village. The man clearly had been delusional from his injuries.

 

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Clarke had not entered the village with Lexa. She had followed in her wake for most of the morning, clinging to the slight calm that her presence brought her. But now she stood at the entrance with some of the other guards. Lexa had commanded her guards to keep her here and watch over her, not knowing that Clarke wouldn’t have entered that village even if she had commanded it.

Clarke told her guards she needed to pee so that she could get a little farther away from the smell of blood that was coming from the village. She wandered aimlessly through the trees, trying to clear her head. Now that she was away from Lexa and her friends her mind had nothing else to distract it. Her view of the green scenery around her was cut off by flashes of things she was trying to forget. A leaver that had ended the entire mountain population’s lives. A set of steel bars. Chains across her arms and legs.

Clarke stopped, squeezing her eyes shut. Stop. Stop. Stop. Breathing heavily she tried to calm herself. She worked to push everything to the background. One by one her mind emptied. She pushed everything that hurt away and let the reassuring quiet of the fog that would wipe way the pain. All that was left were a pair of eyes that wouldn’t let the fog completely have her mind. As she realized who those eyes belonged to her eyes snapped back open she realized she was no longer alone.

A man was standing right in front of her with a sneer plastered across his face. It was the same man that had been hitting on her in the skikru camp.

_“What do you want Caris?”_ Clarke spoke out in clipped Icelandic, she really didn’t feel like dealing with him today.

_“You were supposed to check in this morning”_ The sneer still present on his face.

_“Yes well.. a lot has happened today, you still haven’t told me what you want”_ Clarke knew that Lexa’s men would start looking if she took too long.

_“Its not about what he wants, its what I want”_ a voice said from behind Clarke.

Clarke whirled on the spot, knowing her voice immediately. With a short bow Clarke stood in front of the Ice Queen.

_“You were distracted earlier, Caris should not be able to sneak up on you”_ the queen said pointedly.

_“apologies, it wont happen again”_ Clarke flinched slightly, hesitant to meet the queen’s eyes.

_“No, it won’t. Regardless, you have done well, I trust you know what is to happen next”_ The queen watched Clarke intently after she said this, and was immediately displeased with the look of apprehension that crossed her face.

_“Yes, but maybe what happened last night will be enough to get you what you want? Shouldn’t we wait till you meet with Lexa again?”_ Clarke hesitantly offered. Had she been looking up as she said this she would have seen that she had just made a mistake.

_“What?”_ The cold fury in her voice caused Clarke to look up. The second she made eye contact with the queen pain coursed along her back, bringing her to her knees.

_“You will do what I command”_ The last word brought another lance of pain along her back. Clarke’s head bowed in submission of it’s own accord.

 

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Sona watched as Clarke kneeled before her, trembling slightly after the pain she knew must be coursing through her body. Sona was brought out of her brooding for a second by a thought, Clarke had called her Lexa. Not the Commander, but Lexa. After the betrayal at the mountain Sona had assumed that nothing was left between the two. Clarke had told her what their past was but she had assumed that it had become the past the second that Lexa chose her people over Clarke. But this apparent familiarity opened so many more possibility it practically had the queen giddily laughing like a five year old.

 

_“Clarke, you will do as I commanded, but I have a few changes to the plan. But first …”_ The queen pulled out a small flask from under her coat. Clarke’s body stiffened. _“I wont be taking any chances”_ she said as she stepped closer. Firm hands closed around Clarke’s upper arms and she is forced onto her stomach.

 

 

Twenty minutes later Sona is sitting by Clarke’s head, brushing the hair away from Clarke’s sweaty face. Clarke is slowly coming back into consciousness. _“I will stay away from your people as I promised you Clarke from the beginning, but I will have my revenge, you are mine now do not forget that”_ she whispered.

 

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Lexa returned to the entrance to the village after she had organized the cleanup of the village. Funeral pyres were being built and the dead had already been gathered and wrapped in the traditional cloth. Lexa was livid, the Ice Queen had crosses a line that should never be crossed. She had slaughtered innocents, children. A war was meant to be fought between warriors and leaders, one of honor, not senseless killing and cruelty.

Now she needed to return to Camp Jaha where she would meet with the Queen once more and then plan her war. Lexa found Clarke right where she had left her, sitting on a rock by the gate. Something was different though, she couldn’t quiet place it but it was there. Clarke looked up as she approached; noticing the other warriors beginning to pack up their things Clarke nodded and began to do the same.

The ride back to the camp was a quiet one.

 

After Lexa informed the council what had happened at the village, and what it meant for their people, she retired to her tent to get ready for the queen’s return.

 

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Lincoln didn’t try to understand some sky people traditions. Currently Bellamy, Octavia, Raven and Monty were trying to get Clarke to play a game they had discovered in the mountain called Twister. Raven was holding a kind of panel with different colors on it while the remaining people were all standing around a mat with the same colors on it in little circles. After about a minute of pleading it seems as though Clarke agreed and went to stand with them around the mat. Raven would shout out colors and they would all start contorting themselves on the mat. It was odd to say the least. After about five minutes, Monty had fallen and the rest were all twisted around each other in weird ways. From his position Clarke had her back to him and was basically hugging Raven’s midsection while having one of her legs between Bellamy’s arms. Octavia was straddling Raven while reaching over Bellamy so that her hair basically obscured his whole face. And he still wasn’t quite sure how Bellamy had not fallen since most of his weight seemed to be on this one hand that was dangerously close to Raven’s butt.

As he heard laughter start to erupt from the group, Clarke’s shirt started to ride up a little, exposing her lower back. Clarke reached back quickly to pull it back down but Lincoln had already seen the long thin cuts there. Her movement caused her to loose balance and she fell. As she straightened up to victorious jeers from Raven and Octavia, Clarke turned to see him making his way over. He heard as she told them that she needed to check in with her mom and started to walk away. Lincoln followed her.

As he rounded a corner around some tents he realized he had no idea where Clarke went. She was just gone. She turned a few times looking around some of the tents but no sign of her. Just as he turned to go back to the Twister gang, Clarke was in front of him.

_“Clarke”_

_“Looking for someone?”_ She asked.

_“Yes, you, I saw those cuts on your lower back. What happened?”_

_“Oh that, I fell in the woods, its no big deal”_ She responded innocently.

_“They looked pretty deep, you should get them looked at”_ Lincoln responded with concern in his voice.

_“That’s where I was going, thanks for your concern though”_ Clarke smiled, but Lincoln was distracted by the way her eyes didn’t match her smile.

_“uh.. sure”_ he faltered, and Clarke walked away.

 

Something was tugging at the back of his mind as he returned to watch the game. Although all was forgotten the second Bellamy’s hand slipped on the mat causing him to awkwardly grope Raven’s ass for a second before he was shoved in the opposite direction by a scowling Raven. Everyone started laughing at the startled expression on Bellamy’s face as he hit the ground, scooting farther away from Raven who was stalking in his direction. The merriment was cut off though by a victorious screech as they looked back to see Octavia standing on the twister mat. Which then started another round of laughing.

 

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The Queen arrived as the sun began to touch the tree line. Lexa decided to meet her outside the gates rather than let her in. This was going to be quick and it was taking all of her restraint not to just kill her now.

 

_“Sona you crosses a line that can not be let to stand, it is not just war that I call for, it is your head”_ Lexa begins once they had dismissed their warriors.

_“There she is, there is the Lexa I remember”_ Sona smiles as she speaks.

_“This is no game, this is not just about us, I will not let you get away with this. Do not return again or I will kill you”_ Lexa just spits back.

_“And so it begins. I just came here today because I know you are a stickler for the customs and needed to formally declare war. And I wanted you to know that after you fall, I will make your people pay, and that will be on you”_ with that the queen returned to her men and mounted her horse.

_“Good bye Lexa, I don’t imagine I will be seeing you again. Your people will fall. You can’t fight this.”_ She said and they rode off into the woods.


	9. Jusgona

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At least one person realizes what happened to Clarke during her time way, questions is whether or not they learn about it in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a tad shorter but I just wanted to get this to you before i crash tonight

The proclamation of war spread through out Camp Jaha and the surrounding villages in a matter of hours. And by the end of the day, the whole coalition knew that had been called to war. As tradition demands, the night of the declaration of war is not to be disturbed by violence. The night is to be one of calm before the storm and the people are allowed to dine together and spend time with their loved ones before the battle begins.

As the sun began to set teams of both skikru and trikru went out in the forest to hunt to prepare for the feast. Half of the camp was set to prepare for war while the other half was cooking.

 

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Octavia had gone out with Lincoln, Bellamy and Miller in one of the hunting parties. She had just put the final touches on her newest attempt at a spear and Lincoln had given this one an approving nod so she was excited to test it out. They fanned out as they stalked through the forest trying their best not to step on the dry leaves that littered the undergrowth. Lincoln remained close like he always did and when his head snapped around Octavia caught his line of sight and found a deer about 20 feet away.

As the deer looked up in their direction it was already too late, Octavia had let the spear fly and it embedded itself in the deer’s chest. Couching by the deer Octavia put it out of pain and quickly worked to remove the spear. Lincoln was by its legs, tying them to a long pole that they had found along the way.

_“Has Clarke talked to you about what happened to her while she was gone?”_ Lincoln asked as he continued to work on the deer.

_“No, every time we try she shuts down. Why? Has she said anything to you?”_

_“No, its not anything she has said, she just seems different…”_ Lincoln trailed off, that familiar tug at the back of his mind that he couldn’t quite place.

_“yeah, I guess a year in the woods changes a person. I am just happy to have her back”_ Octavia shrugs and returns to her work.

They carry the deer between the two of them suspended on the pole. Once they reach the main path they meet up with Miller and Bellamy who are each sporting a couple rabbits.

 

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Lexa has been keeping her distance from the preparations, spending most of her time looking over her maps and planning for the impending war. She rubbed her eyes knowing that staring at the maps more wouldn’t really help. Plans don’t last very long in battle.

Lexa made her way out of the tent and watched the camp bustling to get ready for the feast. She was watching when a familiar voice came from behind her.

_“Its weird isn’t it”_

_“Clarke, I didn’t see you there. What is weird?”_

_“Not knowing who will come back from the battle and who wont”_ Clarke responded.

_“Yes, I know we must but I can’t help lamenting that we are pulled into a war so quickly after the last”_ Lexa responded, knowing that Clarke understands the weight that she feels.

_“Will you be attending the feast?”_ Clarke says with out any real recognition to what Lexa had said.

_“I don’t know”_ Lexa responded honestly.

_“Well.. I hope to see you there” Clarke said with a meaningful gaze and walked away._

Not being able to quell the butterflies that had erupted in her stomach, Lexa watched Clarke go. She couldn’t help but notice that there hadn’t been any spite or coldness in that interaction that she had with Clarke. Part of her hoped that they had moved past what had happened at the mountain but the other part of her knew that it was too good to be true. She had given up her future with Clarke the second she agreed to the deal with the mountain men.

She could still feel what Clarke’s lips felt like on hers though.

 

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Everyone had started to gather around the mess hall. Amazing smells had started to come out of it after the first hunting party had returned and they hadn’t stopped since.

Lincoln sat down with Octavia with the usual band of suspects as the food was finally beginning to emerge from the kitchen.

He could see both skikru and trikru alike scattered though out the partially enclosed hall. They were all sitting together and if it had been any other night other any the one before a war he would have found it heart warming. He reached out and grabbed the hand of his beloved that was resting next to him. He had been a goner the second he had seen her face, but now that she was his Lincoln could not imagine a world with out her. Octavia looked up at him as he squeezed her hand with a look that could not be described as anything other than loving. No, he would not lose her, no matter what happened he would protect her.

He was broken out of his musings as the sound of a loud crash brought his eyes up to the table next to him. Clarke was on the ground seemingly having fallen over out of her chair and was now scrambling backwards. Her face was contorted in pain staring at what was in front of her.

The whole mess hall was in silence as they watch Clarke pick herself up and quickly walk out. That was odd. Lincoln did not see anything around where she had been sitting that warranted that kind of reaction. Then someone placed a cup of something in front of him. He was told that it was special for the celebration since they only had a limited supply. He sniffed the cup, it was mint tea. Suddenly the realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He knew what had happened to Clarke while she was gone for a year and a half.

 

He had to warn Heda.

 

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Lexa had been toying with the idea of joining the feast, mostly because of Clarke’s invitation earlier. She stood near the entrance to her tent staring in the direction of the mess hall unsure of whether she should head over or not. Once she had made her mind that it was indeed a good idea to at least get food, Clarke had rounded the corner and was heading toward her.

_“I didn’t see you at the feast”_ Clarke said as she stopped in front of Lexa.

_“No, I had a lot of work to be done, I could not find the time to be distracted by celebrations”_ Lexa replied hoping Clarke didn’t know how long she had really been standing there unsure if she should go or not.

_“It was a bore really, would you like to go on a walk with me?”_

Lexa could only nod, not trusting her voice at Clarke’s request.

The two set out toward the tree line. The guards paid them little mind as they opened the gates for them.

 

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Lincoln sprinted out of the mess hall toward the Commander’s tent. He was greeted by her guards only to be informed that she and Clarke had set out towards the woods not five minutes ago.

 

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_“I understand why you did it”_ Clarke said as they entered the forest.

Lexa swallowed loudly as she tried not to become too hopeful at Clarke’s words.

_“You chose what was best for your people, just as I did”_ Clarke continued.

_“And I have had a lot of time to think about it…. And I am over it, I need you Lexa, I need us”_ Clarke finally said as she brought them to a stop gazing into Lexa’s eyes. Lexa couldn’t take it anymore, she just wanted what Clarke said to be true.

_“Are you sure Clarke?”_ She said her voice breaking.

_“Yes”_ Clarke said as she brought their lips together.

The kiss was fervent and rushed, like they were running out of time. And maybe they were. As Lexa gave in to the embraces she cupped Clarke’s face in her right hand and brought her lower back closer to her with her left. As the kiss deepened she felt Clarke shift under her, and there was a sudden pain through her side. Her eyes snapped open and she saw Clarke brandishing a dagger aimed for her heart this time. Lexa freezes.

_“The Ice Queen sends her regards”_ Comes from Clarke’s mouth as the knife comes down on her. Before she feels the pain once more, she hears a loud thud and suddenly there is a heavy weight that comes toppling down on her.

As Lexa starts to understand what she is seeing, she begins to breath again. Clarke is unconscious on the ground, a dagger in her hand. Lincoln is standing next to her with a bloodied rock in his hand and panting.

_“I am sorry Heda, I had to stop her”_ Lincoln panted.

Lexa clutched her side to stop the blood flow. Clarke had stabbed her, why had Clarke stabbed her? Lexa was beyond understanding at this point.

_“I am sorry, I tried to get here sooner, I only just figured out what happened to her”_ Lincoln said as he read the distress on his Commander’s face.

_“What do you mean, what had happened to her?”_

_“Heda…. She had gone through the jusgona”_

And like that Lexa’s world collapsed around her. Clarke was gone. Her Clarke was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as always tell me what you think. And if you want to contact me on tumblr my user id is mooshkila. I really appreciate all the feedback I have been getting so far, and thank you for reading!


	10. Creating a blood warrior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They find out what happened to Clarke while she was away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think!

_“What do you mean Clarke is gone? She has been with us for the past week, sure she is a little different but it’s still her!”_ Octavia exclaimed after Lincoln had finally emerged from the holding cell. Everyone had watched as Lincoln had returned earlier that night carrying a bloody unconscious Clarke and followed by the Commander who was holding to a bleeding knife wound in her side. Lincoln, the Commander, and some of the council had then disappeared into the building that housed their cells and did not emerge for the next hour.

_“It might have looked like her, but its not, the Clarke we remember is gone”_ Lincoln tried to say gently.

_“That doesn’t make any sense!”_ Octavia yelled. She had tried to get into the holding area a few times in the past hour, every time being pushed back by a member of the guard.

_“Look, she went through something we call jusgona, it erases who you were”_

_“I don’t care what you call it, just tell me what they did to Clarke”_

Lincoln let out a small sigh, this was a long story and he had spent the past hour trying to explain it to Abby. He had only just left to check in on Octavia, leaving the Commander to continue with the explanation. Lincoln took a seat at one of the nearby fire circles and motioned for Octavia to do the same. Once Bellamy and Raven did the same it was clear they had been eavesdropping.

 

_“Now understand, I do not know everything about the process. Until today I believed that it was still just a legend.”_

_“Many of our people say that the Ice Queen has black magic, it is part of the terror that allows her to rule so completely. Now I know nothing of magic, but I do know that she is skilled in the use of herbs and potions that affect the body and mind. One of the reasons her warriors are so skilled and ruthless and follow her command so completely is because part of being trained to be a warrior in her nation involves a sort of mental programing. She gives her warriors something that takes an edge off of their humanity and makes them susceptible to her persuasion.”_

_“Like brain washing!”_ Bellamy blurted out.

_“Brain.. what?”_ Lincoln asked derailed from his explanation for a moment.

_“Never mind, please continue”_ Octavia interjected before they could get more off course.

_“Yes, well that is a very mild case of the medicinal power that she wields. She knows how to make men forget their families, or spill their darkest secrets. The stronger the amount of persuasion required….. the more painful her methods are.”_

Lincoln looked up then to see that the group’s faces had gone white. Clearly they were thinking of what Clarke could possibly have gone through to make her go against her own people.

_“Of the vast array of mind control techniques at the Ice Queen’s disposal, there is one that is known as a sort of legend amongst my people. It is called the process of jusgona, or the blood warrior. It is said that if one goes through the jusgona they will become the ultimate warrior, the perfect killing machine. They are supposed to have superior strength as well as heightened speed and senses. If one nation were to have a jusgona warrior at their disposal it is said that there is no battle they could not win.”_

_“Then why aren’t there more? Why doesn’t each warrior do it?”_ Octavia asked. Lincoln flinched at the question; the idea of going through it was beyond horrid.

_“Because Octavia, the process itself is worse then death, and when it is finished nothing of the warrior remains but its body._

There was silence for a moment, the group around the fire simply staring at Lincoln. He could see that they still did not fully understand.

_“It’s a complicated medical process that I do not know the exact particulars about, but I know the process takes nearly a year to complete. The warrior is repeatedly cut along their back in thin parallel lines that extend perpendicular to their spine running from the top of the neck until the tailbone. The Queen then lays a kind of poultice on the incisions that then somehow seep into the spine and affect the central nervous system. The warrior has to be awake the entire time. The Queen repeats the process until the warrior no longer questions her, until they have completely surrendered their free will. Once it is complete they will do anything that she says, with out hesitation and without question. They have been mentally conditioned to do her bidding and will feel intense pain if ever she is displeased with them.”_

Lincoln stopped then and looked up at them, he could see the looks of disgust and horror plastered on their faces.

_“So you are telling us that the Queen kidnapped Clarke, tortured her for a year and has now forced her to be her puppet?!?!”_ Octavia exclaimed, her rage palpable.

_“Well…. The thing is.. there is one final part to the process.. the reason no other jusgona warrior has been created… “_ Lincoln wasn’t sure how they would take this last piece of information.

_“For the process to work, for the mind to fully accept the conditioning… they have to do it willingly”_

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_“THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL MY DAUGHTER VOLUNTEERED FOR THIS!!”_ Abby’s shouts could be heard from the other side of camp. It had taken a little longer for Lexa to find how to inform Abby of the last detail about the jusgona process and she was not taking it very well.

_“Abby, we don’t know what happened to make her agree, but she did, there was no way she would have survived the process if she hadn’t”_ Lexa continued. She didn’t have time to think about what was happening, she just needed to deal with it. She had to be the Commander.

_“I don’t care about some damn process, Clarke would never betray us! She couldn’t hurt us! Now let me in there to tend to her wounds!”_ Lexa let her pass this time, but signaled for her guards to follow. Clarke was still unconscious and had been chained to the wall.

_“Is this really necessary?”_ Abby asked pointing to the chains.

_“Yes, Clarke is strong and will have been trained.”_

Abby then crouched down next to her daughter and started to clean the bloody lump at the back of her head. Clarke looked small and defenseless laying there on the ground of the cell Lexa thought as she watched Abby wrap her head with a bandage. Abby then moved to lift the back of her shirt and gasped. The long red cuts that stretched across her skin caused Abby to take a step back, tears beginning to fall down her face. Abby reached out to touch Clarke’s back to begin to assess the extent of the damage but the second she made contact with the tortured flesh Clarke’s eyes snapped open. Abby was flying through the air before she knew it and Clarke was on her feet. As Abby crashed into the wall, letting out a cry of pain, Clarke’s eyes found Lexa’s and she headed in her direction. The chains stopped Clarke an inch away from where Lexa stood. Clearly struggling to get free Clarke never takes her eyes off Lexa. Its then that Lexa finally recognizes the look that she has kept seeing in Clarke’s eyes since she found her in the woods. It’s the cold dead look that she hated so much that all ice nation warriors have.

_“Clarke please, let us treat you”_

Clarke stilled. _“Release me and I will not need to be treated.”_ She replied cooly.

_“You know that I can’t do that”_

Clarke looked down at her chains, her body seemed to slump a little bit and after a second Lexa could hear a sniff.

_“….. Lexa please”_ came a small voice.

Lexa stepped forward instinctually hoping to help to bring her Clarke back to the surface. Only after she had taken that step did she realize her mistake. Those cold eyes shot back up to hers and with a smirk on her lips Clarke’s right arm shot out, breaking the chain from the wall to wrap her fingers around Lexa’s throat. Lexa felt a tremendous amount of pressure wrap around her windpipe and the world around her began to change colors. A blinding pain ripped through her head, and all she could see was Clarke’s cold dead eyes, her face expressionless as if she wasn’t actually currently trying to choke the life out of her. Then she was suddenly released as Clarke crumpled to the floor once more. This time Abby was standing next to her a syringe in her hand.

 

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At the tree line on the north side of Camp Jaha, Caris sits waiting in a tree, watching the sky people hoping to hear the sounds of a leader fallen. He had been sitting on this branch for hours now and he was already annoyed because his butt was hurting and Clarke was supposed to have done it a while ago. Suddenly his sees a large trikru man walking through the camp with a clearly unconscious Clarke in his arms closely followed by the Commander who looked injured but very much alive. Damn it. The Ice Queen was not going to be happy about this. Clarke had failed in her first attempt and was unlikely to have another. And now he was going to have to tell the Queen this. Great.

Caris climbed down from the tree and started to make his way back to the ice nation encampment on the boarder where his people were preparing for battle.

 

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Abby sat outside of the cell watching Clarke as she slowly breathed in an out. She had been put into a new reinforced kind of shackles. She was currently laying facedown on a metal table with her arms and legs chained to a wall of the cell. This was temporary until her wounds could be treated to allow Abby access to Clarke’s back.

What had that Queen done to her daughter? Tears started to well in her eyes. She had abandoned Clarke once before when she had sent her down to earth when it seemed that there was no hope on the arc. She wasn’t going to do that again, she would find a way to fix this. She would find a way to bring her daughter back.

 

_“You can’t fix this mom”_ The voice broke the silence as if she had heard her thoughts. _“I am gone, just accept it”_ Clarke’s voice comes from her still unmoving form.

 

_“You know I can’t do that honey”_

There was silence for a while and Abby thought that Clarke might have gone to sleep.

_“Then you will just end up hurt”_

_\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_“They have taken her?!?”_ The Queen screams as Caris recounts what he had seen. _“How?? She was supposed to get the Commander alone. There is no way the Commander overpowered her!”_

_“No my Queen, it seems that another figured out what she was, he interrupted Clarke’s attempt and knocked her out.”_

_“So they have her now?”_ The Queen asks, her voice dripping in anger.

“ _Yes, she is being held in one of their prisons, it has been reinforced so I don’t think even she will be able to get out”_ Caris said quietly.

_“They are keeping her alive?”_ The Queen responds suddenly with a hopeful smile on her face.

_“I believe so my Queen”_

_“Well that changes things, this could be better. Go now Caris, see that the warriors are ready for battle tomorrow morning”_ The Queen dismissed him.

 

Lexa must think that she can save Clarke. The Queen paces back and forth in her tent thinking through this most recent turn in events. Lexa doesn’t understand that Clarke is mine now.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

To say that the festivities had taken a bit of a down turn would be an understatement. Bellamy sat poking the fire as the stars started to come out. Many had retired to their tents with the promise of a war in the morning. He had seen Octavia and Lincoln leaving in the direction of her tent and he knew that he wanted to be nowhere near that area for a while.

His brain didn’t quite know how to handle everything that was happening right now. In addition to the war that was starting in the morning, they had to find a way to deprogram this new evil Clarke. Bellamy couldn’t accept that she was gone. He knew that Clarke had been different since she came back, but he knows that he had seen little glimpses of the old Clarke. She has to still be there.

 

He got up and started to walk towards the fence to check on the guards there. Whatever tomorrow has to bring, he was pretty sure it was all about to hit the fan.


	11. The Prisoner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war is starting and they have Clarke... now what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I am very sorry for the wait, I just got back from visiting a friend and her new baby. This one is a little short but I wanted to get something out.

As the sun started to rise peaking through the tree tops, Tanur kept his eyes trained on the northern border. He knew the battle would begin today, it was just a question of when. He had brothers that had fought at the short-lived battle of mount weather but this would be his first time in real combat. Rage filled him for the lives lost in the village of Delpha and he straightened up a little at his guard post. He was ready to avenge his fallen people, blood for blood that was their way and he was proud that he would be taking what was owed them. Just as he was filled with his new found fervor for battle, Tanur saw something move out of the corner of his eye. Crouching down he peered out from behind his cover. Right as he did an arrow few by missing him by inches. With his heartbeat pounding in his ears, Tanur raised the horn to his mouth and blew. The sound echoed for miles alerting all who heard that the war had started.

 

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Although Lexa was not close enough to hear the sound of the war horn, she knew that by the early dawn the Ice Queen would have started her attack.

_“Indra!”_

_“Yes Commander?”_

_“I want you and your warriors to go to the city of Totom, I believe that Sona will have many warriors there”_

_“Yes of course Heda”_

As Indra leaves to gather her warriors, another trikru general enters the tent.

_“Parus I need you to talk your warriors to Delpha, with the village empty I think the Ice Queen will take advantage of the hole in our border”_

_“Yes Commander”_

Lexa then exits with Parus to find the camp alive with the preparations for war. As she moved about the camp she could see the efficiency to their work, but she could also see the fear evident on their faces. The skikru had not seen war like this. Most had not even been near the mountain when they had marched for war last time. But they were resourceful and Lexa believed they would be a valuable resource in this war.

 

Lexa made her way to the housing area that held the sky people technology. Lexa usually stayed away from here. Not because she was scared of it by any means, but that none of it made sense to her. She did not like to waste time around things that she had no hope of understanding; her time was better spent training or seeing to her people. But Raven had been working on some new weapons that she was hoping would be ready for battle today.

As she entered the room it appeared empty, although how anyone could get around all of the metal objects that were laying around she had no idea. Then she heard a loud crash from the back corner.

_“Shit!”_

A few moments later Raven comes walking slowly around the corner with a large container of red liquid.

_“That could have been really bad! This is rocket fuel and Wick decided to leave his stupid attempt at motorized scooter lying on the ground and I almost tripped! I could have blown this whole camp sky high with this much rocket fuel!”_

Lexa’s eyes went wide at that last part. She didn’t understand how something so small could be that potentially dangerous.

_“Bellamy said you were working on something he called… a mine, would the rocket fuel be for them?”_

_“Sure will! And I will have them ready in an hour, but I only had time to make ten so you guys better place them well”_ Raven said with a wave of her hand.

_“Very well, we will be leaving once they are completed, inform one of my men once they are”_ and with that Lexa left the room not wanting to be so close to combustible liquid.

 

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Jasper walked around the outskirts of the camp. He had never really rejoined his friends after the battle at the mountain. He couldn’t. He just kind of worked and kept to himself. Even Monty had stopped trying to talk to him, even though Jasper really couldn’t find a part of himself that blamed him anymore. It was just easier this way, he had forgotten how to be his old self. Monty was just following orders and Bellamy was working to save his sister, but it was all Clarke’s lead. It was all Clarke’s fault. He had heard that she was being held in one of their old cells and had finally worked up the courage to confront her. Clarke had been with them for little over a week but he couldn’t find the words to say what he needed to before.

As he made is way to the cell he noticed that Danny was on guard duty. Danny still owed him for covering his shift cleaning the kitchen so he was able to get in with the promise that he would be out in 10 minutes.

He just needed to tell her that he knew her reasons, but that he would never forgive her. He just needed to say it. For Maya.

As he rounded the corner he glanced up in time to see Clarke with her back to him. She was putting her shirt back on. He could see bandages that covered most of her back as she tugged the shirt over her. At some of the edges though he could see stark white scars that stretched farther than the bandages covered and he was able to imagine what lay underneath. Jasper’s gasp alerted Clarke of his presence.

_“Jasper”_

Jasper just stood there staring at her. He had been confronted with Clarke hundreds of times in his dreams, all in which she stood over Maya’s dead body with a pleading look in her eyes. This Clarke was different.  He saw none of that softness or pain in her eyes. She just stood there staring back at him with eyes void of any emotion at all. All of his well thought out words were suddenly lost on his tongue. This wasn’t going the way he planned. Clarke was supposed to beg for his forgiveness. He was then supposed to throw it back in her face, trying to inflict just a tiny amount of the pain she caused him. And then tell her it would never be ok. He would walk out and the weight would be lifted. That’s how it was supposed to work right? You confront your demons, confess and the pain should be gone right?

_“I…… uh…… I just……”_ This wasn’t going well, Jasper’s confidence was fading fast.

_“I just wanted to tell you that…. I don’t forgive you!”_ He said that last part in a rush, words almost uninteligable.

_“Oh, alright”_ Clarke said still standing ramrod straight and staring at him with her cold calculating eyes.

Losing himself for a second to the flash of anger that filled him at the quick two word reply to what he had said like it was nothing.

_“What do you mean ‘oh alright’?!?! it’s not alright, its far from alright, you killed her, you killed Maya! She was innocent and you killed her!”_

Clarke had cocked her head to the side as he flew off the handle, watching him with little change in her expression. Although her expression did not change or show any sign of remorse or recognition for what he was referring to, her grip on the table next to her tightened.

_“You killed all of them! Even the children! I was going to kill Cage, I was going to fix it, if I had only been a little faster… but you had to go and kill her!”_ Jasper was breathing heavily now. _“But I guess that is what you are now, at least everyone else sees now, a cold heartless killer.”_

Tears had started to come down his face, blurring his vision. As he looked up he thought for a brief moment he saw pain flash behind Clarke’s eyes. That same pain he saw when she had seen him cradling Maya’s dead body. But by the time he had wiped his eyes it was gone.

_“It is true, I am, and you would do best to stay away from me”_ Clarke said as she moved to the far wall an leaned against it.

_“I am serious Jasper, its best if all of you just keep as far from me as possible”_ Clarke’s voice and expression had remained the same but something about it caught his attention.

_“What do you mean? Why?”_

_“Because they will come for me”_

Just as Clarke says that he hears a loud bang and people shouting. A loud horn sounds nearby and seems cut through the air. It has a high pitch wailing sound that induces an instantaneous shiver down Jasper’s back. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Clarke straighten up as if it was calling to her. As he turns to her he sees her body stiffen and her eyes close. As she opens them again her eyes appear almost black. With three quick thrusts Clarke manages to rip the chains from the walls. Clarke eyes are suddenly in front of him and it’s the last thing he sees before his world goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always please tell me what you think. I have the basic plot outlined as what I am planning on doing, but I am always open to ideas. Feel free to comment here or send me a msg on tumblr (mooshkila).


	12. The rescue attempt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ice nation comes for Clarke and Camp Jaha is in the way.

Lexa, Monty and a group of 15 warriors had marched out of camp as soon as Raven had finished the mines. Bellamy had explained to her that all they had to do was bury the mines and when anyone stepped on them they would explode. Raven wasn’t up for the trip and frankly would be a liability in battle, so she had tasked Monty with planting and arming the mines. Lexa was hoping to funnel the ice nation forces onto the mined area and make them think that they had more than they did. If she could make them think that the whole forest was mined then perhaps they would have a better chance against their superior forces.

 

They were about a mile outside of the camp when Lexa was drawn out of her planning by the sound of gunfire. As they looked back toward the way they came, towards camp, she heard the telltale sound of the ice nation war horn. She had misjudged Sona, it seems that she had not focused her forces solely on the border villages. A group of ice nation warriors must have snuck their way around her forces and made a beeline for the skikru camp.

_“Return to the Camp!”_ Lexa yelled as she pulled her horse around.

Those that were on horseback had broken into a gallop with Lexa, while the remaining had started sprinting after them.

Why would Sona attack the skikru first? Their technology did make them an important piece of Lexa’s battle plans but that did not seem to warrant such a risky move. The ice nation forces will be surrounded making victory improbable and escape nearly impossible. What did the skikru have that was worth such a risk?..... Clarke. They had Clarke. Once Lexa realized this she spurred her horse on faster towards Camp Jaha.

 

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Bellamy ran out of his tent to the sounds of gunfire. Grabbing his gun as he went, He made his way to the source of the chaos. Arrows were raining down from the tree line on the northern side and there seemed to be a rather large whole in the fence next to what used to be the toolshed. It seems that some kind of large wooden contraption had been set on fire and then rolled into the fence. In addition to the compromised fence, several of the buildings were now ablaze. Many of the guard had taken up position behind the remaining buildings and were firing at the ice nation warriors that were attempting to enter the camp under the arrow cover. Many of which had successfully made it into the camp and were making their way towards the west side.

Running up to Miller and Stewart who were firing from the shelter of the smoking hut, Bellamy took a knee and started firing as well.

_“They just came out of no where!”_ Miller yelled.

_“How many are there?”_

_“Unclear but I believe only a handful have made it into the camp”_ Stewart reported while reloading his sidearm.

 

Bellamy continued firing at the hole in the gate, hoping to keep any more of them from getting in. As he reached back in his pack to reload he saw a group of grounders to his right that were engaged in hand to hand combat with a few of the ice nation warriors. As he watched one of the warriors was clubbed in the head and crumpled instantly while another released a loud cry as she was stabbed in the leg. An ice nation warrior towered over her as she fell to her knees, gripping the blade that was still embedded in her thigh. Bellamy started to run towards them as the ice nation warrior raised his sword, as he did so he opened fire in their direction. After a few shots that didn’t connect, his gun jammed. Throwing it away, Bellamy ran headlong into the ice nation warrior and tackled him to the ground. As they hit the ground he felt an elbow fly upward and connect with his jaw. Only dazed for a second he tried to return with a punch of his own only for it to be deflected. The ice nation warrior then rolled the two of them so that he was now crushing Bellamy, holding him to the ground. Hands then found their way around Bellamy’s throat and squeezed hard. His body reacted before his brain could and he flailed at the brute’s arms trying desperately to pry back the fingers. When he couldn’t move the arms he moved his attention to the cold face above him and attempted to claw at his eyes. This caused him to lean back farther, extending his arms while maintaining the strangle hold on Bellamy’s throat. Just as he started to see black encroaching on his vision, the pressure suddenly lessened and the warrior above him slumped to the side and fell off him. Sitting up Bellamy looked around to see what had happened. He noticed a rather large knife sticking out of the ice nation warrior’s back and a little farther away, the trikru warrior still laying on the ground but looking at him. She clearly had made a nice throw with her remaining strength and saved his life. She had lost a lot of blood and frankly he was surprised she could even lift her head right now.

Bellamy struggled to get to his feet, head spinning and a pain throbbing in his side. By the time he did make it over to the warrior that had saved him, she had passed out from blood loss. Taking care not to touch the knife in her leg, Bellamy lifted her into his arms and started to head towards the healing tent.

 

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Octavia and Lincoln were fighting alongside some of the trikru against a group of ice nation warriors that had made it through the gate. Octavia struck down a rather beefy looking guy when she saw even more heading their way. Why were they so focused on this side? She couldn’t understand why all the ice nation warriors were heading over here. The weapons stash was on the other side of camp and their leaders tents were in the opposite direction as well.

 

_“Heda Heda!”_ Octavia could hear the shouts and as she turned towards them she saw the Commander riding out from the tree line.

 

As she turned back she caught a group of ice nation warriors that had made it past them and were sprinting off around the corner. Shit. Octavia ran after with Lincoln in tow.

By the time they caught up with them, she found a guard lying at the opening of a door with an arrow sticking out of his chest. Still twenty paces away, Octavia realized what they were doing. Clarke. They had come to get her. This was the cell block and they were freeing her.

Before she could make it to the door and try to seal them in, Clarke stepped out. This wasn’t old Clarke though, this wasn’t even broken Clarke, this was someone else entirely. Octavia came to a stop as Clarke and several ice nation warriors exited. As Clarke looked around her eyes connected with Octavia’s.

_“Octavia just go, let us leave and no harm will come to you”_ Clarke said in a warning voice.

“ _Like hell Clarke”_ Octavia spat back. She tensed. How was she supposed to do this? How was she supposed to fight her friend?

_“Octavia, we are outmatched, we should regroup with the others”_ Lincoln warned from behind, grabbing on to her arm.

_“I wont just let them take her Lincoln!”_

The warriors around Clarke raised their weapons in anticipation. Clarke shouted out something in Icelandic and they lowered them again.

 

Just then Lexa and some of her guards rounded the corner. The second Clarke saw Lexa her body sprang to action and the fight began. Octavia saw Clarke and some of the ice nation warriors rush Lexa while the rest came to meet them. Ducking the first swing of the first warrior, Octavia swung her legs out and caught his knees taking him to the ground. Plunging her sword into his chest she looked up in time to see another aiming a bow in her direction. Diving to the side she felt as the arrow flew by her just missing her head.

 

Once all the immediate threats were taken care of and she had time to look up, Octavia saw that nearly all of the ice nation warriors had been killed. It took her a second to realize this though because of the large fight that was still taking place before her. Lexa and a handful of her guards were still fighting, the thing was they were only fighting Clarke. Clarke was taking all of them on, and she was winning. It was incredible; she seemed to be in five places at once. Clarke was taking them down one by one. She knocked out the guard to Lexa’s right and sent another down with a well-placed kick to his knees. After two more went down it was just Clarke and Lexa left. Octavia started to run towards them but by the time she got with in striking distance Lexa was on the ground with Clarke over her, a blade at her throat. Octavia didn’t think she just threw her self at Clarke. Their bodies connected and they tumbled to the ground. Midair she felt arms grip hers and twist so that they landed with a crash, Octavia pinned under Clarke. Reeling up Clarke raised her sword looking down on her about to strike. Eyes widening Octavia looked up into Clarke’s face realizing that those cold eyes that she didn’t recognized seemed fully intent on killing her. But just as she tensed her body, waiting for the piercing pain, Clarke hesitated. She could see pain and fear flash through Clarke’s eyes and her grip on the sword slackened.

Lexa then brought the hilt of her sword down on Clarke’s head and she crumpled.

 

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The rest of the ice nation warriors seemed to realize that they had failed pretty soon after Lexa had knocked Clarke unconscious. Who ever wasn’t picked off by the trikru disappeared into the trees.

 

Clarke was once again in the cell chained to the wall. Lexa, Abby, and Bellamy were just outside of the cell door catching up on the events of that day’s battle.

_“They came for her, and they will again”_

_“But why? Why do they want her so bad?”_ Abby said with desperation in her voice.

_“Abby, I told you what I saw, she fought the Commander’s whole guard by herself. Of course they want her back”_ Bellamy laughed humorlessly.

_“Bellamy is right, and we can not let that happen. If they are able to get Clarke back, it might spell defeat for us”_ Lexa stated calmly even though she was anything but calm on the inside. _“We will need to move her”_

_“What?! Where?”_

_“It is best if few know, I will take her tomorrow at first light”_

_“No the best place for her is here, where I can treat her, she is still injured”_ Abby responded stubbornly.

_“The ice nation warriors will just keep returning until they have her, and from the damages you suffered today I do not think your people would survive that”_

Abby was silent at that, which Lexa took as acceptance of the truth of her statement.

_“It is settled then, I will take a small group of warriors and we will leave with Clarke at dawn”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, tell me what you think.


	13. The tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the detox begin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off let me say I am terribly sorry for the delay, I don't have a good excuse, life just kind of got in the way and I hit a bit of writers block. I will do my best to get the next chapter to you sooner than the decade it took me to write this one.

 

Lexa was up before the sun that morning. She had no doubt that the Ice Queen would try for Clarke again, and the sooner she got her out of this camp the better. Her first stop was Raven, she doubted the girl had slept last night as she tried to finish the new restraints they required for Clarke. The fight the previous day had shook everyone and they were not going to take any chances. Raven had said that she would be able to make bindings that were both reinforced titanium carbide alloy (what ever that means) as well as equipped with a remote electronic incapacitation capabilities.

Lexa walked in to find Raven hunched over a very complicated pile of metal and wires. To be honest, she looked like crap. Her eyes were bloodshot with noticeable bags underneath and her hair had been pulled into a messy bun that it was currently spilling out of on one side.

“Is it ready?” Lexa asked, startling Raven who straightened up quickly.

“Yeah, its ready, ready as it’s ever going to be” Raven shifted nervously “Lexa, this could really do a lot of damage, please don’t use it unless you have to ok?”

“Raven you saw her yesterday, we don’t have a choice” Lexa responded cooly.

“Yeah I know, and it scared the hell out of me, but it’s Clarke you know?”

“No Raven, it isn’t, not anymore”

“I don’t believe that, and I don’t think you do either, just take care of her ok?”

Lexa grabs the contraption from Raven wordlessly and walks out the door.

 

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Octavia has been sitting outside of the cell door since they had managed to get Clarke back in there after the door had been reattached. She couldn’t get that look Clarke had given her out of her mind. That look that had replaced had replaced the cold mask she seems to be permanently wearing these past few days right before Lexa had knocked her out.

“I know you are out there Octavia, I can hear you breathing” Clarke’s voice breaks the silence of the morning.

“I know you are there, and I know you are trying to figure out how to fix me. Don’t. You can’t” Clarke continues after receiving no response.

 

The Commander walks through the entrance seconds later carrying what appears to be a lot of metal chains, cuffs and wires.

“Octavia” She says as way of greeting and motions to the door to the cell.

Octavia immediately moves to the door and follows her in after.

 

Clarke was in an upright sitting position; her hands were bound several times with both chains and rope. Her legs were bound equally thoroughly, and chains were stretched across her chest bolted to the wall at either side. She calmly watched as Lexa and Octavia entered the room. The only change in her form was from her bound fists suddenly turning white and her eyes never leaving Lexa as she walked around the room.

 

Octavia could see something straining under the surface of Clarke’s gaze as it followed Lexa, like a wild animal wanting to strike. It was unnerving, the look didn’t suit Clarke and made her look like an entirely different person. Lexa seemed to notice it too because she kept her distance.

“Octavia, I will need you to put this on her” Lexa said as she lifted the contraption in question.

 

“Are you sure this is necessary?” Octavia said as she inspected the device, noting the amount of chains, spikes and electrodes.

 

“You of all people should know how necessary this is”

Having your life flash in front of your eyes is hard to forget but …. this was Clarke….

 

Octavia moved next to Clarke and started to aline the harness with her spine. There were straps that covered pretty much every part of her body and it ended up looking a lot like a straight jacket. A very medieval and yet newage straight jacket. There were spikes that would dig into Clarke’s legs if she were to move them too far apart, basically rendering running impossible. Her arms were strapped to her chest with very thick chains that Octavia recognized from the arc. And along the entire set-up there were electrodes spaced out every three inches. After Octavia finished attaching the harness she removed the chains that secured her to the cell.

 

“We will be leaving now Clarke, as I am sure you have guessed this harness is capable of incapacitating you if you make any moves to escape or attack us.”

All Clarke did was nod and wait for them to lead her out. With the harness restricting her movements they were reduced to walking at the pace of a rather lackadaisical zombie.

 

The party was rather small, Lexa and a handful of her warriors would be accompanied by Clarke, Octavia, Monty, Lincoln and Miller. Having realized that they would get nowhere with Clarke reduced to a shuffle, Lexa had a cart prepared to take with them. Since they had not had the chance to lay the mines earlier, Lexa decided to use this trip to test them out as well.

 

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Abby knew that there was no way that their camp could take another attack like the one from the previous day. But seeing her daughter chained up in the back of the cart was almost too much to take. She couldn’t bring herself to go over and say goodbye. This wasn’t the Clarke she wanted to remember. So she threw herself into the repair work around the camp. They needed to get that fence fixed first because they had no idea when the ice nation would return.

 

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Shortly after they set out towards the west most of the conversation died out and a silence fell over the group. Lexa found herself looking back every few minutes or so to the horse drawn cart, and every time Clarke seemed to feel her gaze and would meet it.

 

About an hour into the trip Lincoln came to walk alongside Lexa, he seemed to be mulling over something as if he wasn’t sure of how to say it.

“Speak true Lincoln”

“I know of a way that is said to help reverse the process of jusgona…. well it’s a rumor. Its a herb that grows not far from here” Lincoln paused “But Heda…. it will be painful and I don’t even know if it will work, we have never seen anyone survive the process let alone attempt to be cured,”

 

“We have to try something Lincoln” It comes out as more as if she is saying it to herself. She wasn’t sure if it was smart but she felt herself clutching to the faintest bit of hope.

 

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They hiked till the sun was at the highest part of the sky without seeing any sign of the trikru or the ice nation. Lexa called out and they all came to a stop. Octavia couldn’t see any reason for alarm or anything to indicate that they had reached their destination but just as she was thinking this she watched as Lexa suddenly disappeared into the ground. There must have been some kind of tunnel system because one by one they all started descending into a dark hole nestled between some boulders. The cart clearly wouldn’t fit into the tunnel so Octavia helped Clarke hop down.

 

Walking behind Clarke, Octavia follows her into the hole in the ground. It is clear that it had been an entrance of some kind before the world ended. The stairs sloped downward and opened up farther down. Some of the trikru had brought down torches and they now lined the tunnel which provided enough light that she could see vague hints at what it must have looked like before. There were pealing signs on the blue tiled wall as well as different colored arrows pointing in every direction. She had no idea what the signs were for, one was ripped in half but what she could see of it had a lady in all orange and the part of the title she could see said “Orange is t”. Perhaps it was a fashion bulletin. Octavia new that the times before the bomb were really different and people could afford to pay attention to their cloths, even buy specific colors if they wanted.

 

Clarke was moving at a ridiculously slow pace. Not that she blamed here, the shackles didn’t really give much wiggle room. But this allowed her mind to wander as she shuffled behind her brainwashed friend. No matter how Octavia thought about it, she couldn’t understand why Clarke would do it. Why would she volunteer to become the Queen’s puppet? She also can’t believe she didn’t realize how different Clarke was when she got back. Sure Clarke would freeze up and get this weird look in her eye every once and a while and would never talk about what happened while she was gone but Octavia had just chalked that up to her still being an emotional wreck after the mountain. She could have sworn she had seen the old Clarke, but not any more. It's like she had stopped trying because Clarke had remained silent the whole trip and only seemed to have that cold dead look in her eyes now. Honestly Octavia just hoped there was still some of the old Clarke left to save.

 

They walked for about ten minutes until they reached a large open area that was mostly shrouded in darkness but she could tell that it must extend pretty far out past where their torches could illuminate. There were tunnels that went off in every direction that were sunk lower in the ground than the platform they seemed to be standing on.

 

Lexa had Octavia and a few men take Clarke into a shallow room off to their right and find a way to secure here there. While she did that she noticed Lincoln hand a large bag of greenish yellow plants to the Commander and then exit out the way they had come once more. Knowing she could ask him later Octavia couldn’t help trying to get a better idea of what the plan was. After she had managed to chain Clarke’s bindings to the wall, Octavia tried to get a better view of what Lexa was doing. While trying her best to stay silent, she hugged the wall as she got closer to the corner where Lexa seemed to be crouched over something.

 

“Sneaking up on the Commander is ill-advised Octavia” Lexa said without even turning to face her.

“Apologies Heda, I don’t mean to pry” Octavia said sheepishly

“Don’t you?”

“Ok well yes actually, Clarke is my friend and I want to know what we are going to do help her. We ARE going to help her right? Like there is something we can do right?”

Lexa sighs and turns around to face her. “I don’t know. There is something we can try, but there are no guarantees. There is a herb that when brewed into a tea has strong psychological and physical effects that could help to reverse the hold that the Queen has on Clarke’s mind, but it won’t be easy.”

 

Lincoln returned then with jugs full of water and handed them to Lexa. Placing them over the fire, Octavia watched as she combined the herbs in the pot and set them to boil. This better work.

 

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Jasper had woken up at the break of dawn that day in the medical tent with a pounding headache. Though the sun had barely risen the camp was alive with movement. It hadn’t taken long for him to get the rundown of what had happened, Clarke had knocked him out in the escape attempt and then proceeded to take on half the camp before she was incapacitated. The medical bay was filled with the victims of her failed rescue attempt, just more bodies to add to the tally he mused.

Jasper had seen Ballamy many times that morning who seemed to be preoccupied with one of the ongoing surgeries that had Abby busy until noon so he was able to get updated on what was going on. Once he had heard that they were moving Clarke to an off site location he wasn’t really sure how to feel. He hadn’t really felt that he had gotten his resolution, and yet there was still something nagging him at the corner of his mind. Why was he still alive, why hadn’t she killed him?

 

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As the sun set they were finally ready to start Clarke’s detox treatments. Lexa walked over to the room where she had asked Octavia to make sure she was secured before they begin. She had no idea if this was going to work, and that terrified her, she dealt with absolutes and this was anything but, she had no guarantees here.

As usual, all she was met with was Clarke’s cold stare and a rigid posture. Kneeling down next to her were she was chained in a sitting position, Lexa brought the cup up to Clarke’s lips. Clarke just stared at her refusing to accept the tea. Right, she should have expected this. Giving a nod to the warrior to her left, he grabbed the back of her hair pulling it back while using a wooden slat to force her mouth open. Angling the wood to the side Lexa used that opportunity to pour the liquid down Clarke’s throat. Quickly clamping down on her mouth so she couldn’t spit it out, she waited till it was swallowed to remove her hand.

It only took about a minute before Clarke slumped over unconscious.

 

They all just kind of stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do. I guess an instant cure was too much to be expected. Lexa ordered a hunting party and had Monty work to prepare the mines so that they could be placed the following day.

 

It wasn’t until well after midnight that Clarke’s screams started. Rushing to her side Lexa found her drenched in sweat and shaking. She was mumbling incoherently and letting out shrill screams every minute or so. It was going to be a long night.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think, Also I was thinking of starting a AU story where Clarke works at a hotel what do you think?


	14. The Trap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the battle continues both outside as well as with in Clarke, Lexa finds mines a rather useful battle tool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say all the positive comments and kudos make me smile, thanks :)

Clarke’s screams reverberated through the dark passageways well into the early morning. Lexa and probably her whole group hadn’t slept much that night and were only really able to shut their eyes for a few moments after Clarke had stilled. At first Lexa was terrified as the blonde grew silent fearing the worst but after she had made sure Clarke was still breathing, she allowed exhaustion to take over and shut her eyes.

When Lexa woke a few hours later she was momentarily alarmed to find herself slumped against the wall in a dimly lit room only seconds later to have herself remember the events of the previous night. As she got her bearings she noticed that Clarke was awake and watching her.

“How are you feeling this morning Clarke?”

She was only met with more silence and a hardened gaze. Internally sighing, yep this was going to take a while.

Lexa got up straightening her commander’s uniform not having changed the night previous and got ready to prepare everyone for the battle.

“I know what you are doing Lexa…… it won’t work” Lexa didn’t bother to turn around when she heard Clarke.

“We will see Clarke, you know I have to try” And with that she left the room.

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Camp Jaha had made a lot of progress the day before, besides the smoldering remains of the buildings that had burned down and the few fresh graves, you couldn’t tell that they had been nearly beaten the day before.

Bellamy had been running himself ragged making sure that everything was under control and they were preparing themselves if the ice nation were to return. In between his errands and supply routes he found himself gravitating towards the medical tent. He just really wanted to make sure that the grounder warrior that saved him was ok. He had seen that she had made it out of surgery but was still unconscious.

Reports were coming in from all the surrounding areas, it seems that the border villages are being hit pretty bad but that they were holding. Bellamy had Raven working on more mines and was gathering volunteers to march out with Indra when she returned. Indra was currently defending the closest village to the camp and if it were to fall it would put them in immediate danger of attack.

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After having force fed Clarke another serving of the medicinal tea Lexa took half of her warriors, Monty and Octavia out of the caves and in the direction of the abandoned village of Delpha.

Lexa knew that her army was keeping the Ice Queen’s forces at bay for the moment but that it wouldn’t last for long. And one of the biggest gaps in their defensive line was the now vacant village. She wanted to make that place just as deadly for the ice nation as they had made it for her people. From what Monty had tried to tell her on the walk over she believed she could do just that.

As the entrance came into view and eerie quiet came over the group. There was evil here. There was no way that that much blood could have been spilled on that ground without leaving a curse in its wake.

“Alright, Monty I want you and Octavia to work and set the mines across the open square at the middle of the village, we will set a perimeter to make sure that the ice nation does not attack”

Octavia and Monty nod in unison and make their way to the center of the village.

Lexa takes her warriors and combs the surrounding forest. Honestly Lexa was relieved to be out of the tunnels. War was easy in comparison to Clarke’s screams in that dark and dingy place. This was calming to her because she had control over it, she controlled whether they succeeded or failed. Lexa knew that Monty needed 20 minutes to set all of them and then they would sound a horn which would signal her and her warriors that they needed to gain the attention of the ice nation and lead them into the village.

After 25 minutes Lexa was growing impatient. She had been following an ice nation scout for the past ten minutes and was tired of remaining in the shadows.

The sound of a trikru horn cuts through the forest gaining the attention of every trikru and ice nation warrior in the area. Firing an arrow in the direction of the scout, Lexa begins to direct his attack back towards the village. She can hear the sounds of fighting and running all around her. Her warriors seem to be doing a good job at pretending to be on the retreat because the ice nation warriors seem to be following with little notice to their surroundings at a quicker and quicker pace. Signalling for her last warrior to go ahead of her, Lexa made sure to gain the attention of the approaching troops before she made a dash for the rear entry to the village. She could hear yelling and chanting behind her as they were hot on her tail. Breaking into the clearing she saw the indications of freshly dug earth across the middle area of the courtyard. remembering that she had to make sure to step right where the red marker was as she ran over them or else she would set off the whole trap. Holding her breath she whizzed by, stepping as gingerly as she could in a dead sprint on the slightly red tinted soil. A grin spread across her face as she made it across, she had done it, but now she needed to find cover fast because this was about to get messy.

Lexa dove through one of the doors to an abandoned house right as the first mine went off. And there was just explosion after explosion that seemed to shake her very bones. As everything settled there was silence, not even the birds were chirping. Lexa went to poke her head out of the door when suddenly another explosion went off.

Getting to her feet Lexa warily made her way back to the clearing, bow raised incase any of the pursuing ice nation warriors had stayed around. But they were met with strewn body parts and silence. Hopefully some had survived to return with the news of potential boobytraps along their border.

Tired and weary Lexa lead her warriors back to the tunnels with a sense of victory for the day. Honestly it was the first day since this whole thing began that she felt she had a leg up on the Queen.

As they entered the cavern area at the end of the tunnel they were met with a rather unfortunate odor. Lincoln greeted them with tired eyes and a worried expression on his face.

“What is it Lincoln?”

“Its Clarke, she is in bad shape. She had been in a state of hysteria for most of the day, her screams only subsided about an hour ago. Now she seems to be seeing things and can't keep any food down.”

Lexa rushed over to the room where they were keeping her. Clarke was hunched in a corner of the room, her limbs still chained together, rocking ever so slightly. Lexa had to step around the pools of sick as she got closer to the cowering girl. As she crouched down she could see that Clarke’s eyes were open and that she was staring at something that only she could see off to the right of where Lexa’s face was. Most of Clarke’s mumblings were incomprehensible but every once and a while she caught “ ai gize ai gize” and “plore sta tani” but she had no idea what they meant. Suddenly Clarke started shaking more violently and her eyes rolled back in her head and a white foam started to come from her mouth.

“Clarke!”

“Farra!” Lexa called to the healer that had come with them. She laid Clarke on her side and worked to remove the  part of the bindings that were over her chest. Clarke stilled, Farra checked to make sure she was still breathing and that her pulse was there. Lexa let out a breath when Farra let her know that Clarke was just unconscious again, although she does not know what exactly caused the sudden fit.

After making sure the bindings were reattached to Clarke, Lexa made her way over to her bedroll for some much needed shut eye. Before she could sleep though she needed answers to something that was bugging her. She called Lincoln over to her.

“Yes Heda?”

“You are familiar with some of the icelandic language are you not?”

“Yes Heda, my family had established trade routes with some of the ice nation border villages, I only know a little of the language though, I was very young”

“Do you know what ‘ai gize’ or ‘plore sta tani’ means?”

“Well ai gize means I am sorry, but i am not sure about the second…. plore means please…… and sta means no…. and i thought tani meant second. hmm ‘please no second’..... maybe something like ‘please no more’?”

“Thank you Lincoln you have been most helpful”

**As Lincoln returned to his sleeping area Lexa couldn’t keep her mind from racing around this new information. Clarke was saying sorry, but what was this Clarke sorry for? Was she capable of being sorry anymore? And what did she want to stop? The treatment? Was she hurting her that much or was this some kind of flashback? Was this even working or was she just making things worse? These questions continued to plague Lexa until she fell into a restless sleep.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always let me know what you think!
> 
> Also you can find me at: www.tumblr.com/blog/mooshkila


	15. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The detox continues

The next few days passed by in a similar manner. Lexa and her warriors would wake, and head out to a different area along the border to fight the ice nation  while leaving Clarke with a different member of the group each time to fight her demons. Whether or not it was progress, Clarke seemed to scream less, although the ramblings had turned into full blown delusions. She would often come back from a day of fighting to find Clarke pleading with some unknown person in icelandic while curled in the corner of the room. There attempts to keep the ice nation from further breaching their borders was going well enough but they had still lost control of a few border cities to the west. Lexa had this nagging suspicion that Sona was stalling, like she was holding back the full force of her armies as if she was waiting for something.

 

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“What on earth is taking so long!” Sona was livid as she paced back and forth in her tent.

“It should not be taking this long, they didn’t kill her so that must mean they intend to try and fix her. That should have given Clarke the time she needed to take advantage of their naivety and kill her!”

Thamus really didn’t want to be here right now. The Ice Queen’s temper has been known to maim unlucky bystanders and he was the unfortunate soul who had to tell her that there was no news yet regarding Clarke.

“I don’t know my Queen, perhaps they truly have secured her in a way that not even Clarke can break out of”

“Even if that is true, I am tired of waiting. Find her, take as many as you need and find her.”

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Today’s mission was to aid in the defense of the eastern most section of the border with the ice nation. Monty had elected to stay with Clarke since there had been no new deliveries of mines from camp Jaha and he would be of little use in a fight.

 

Octavia had been training for about two years now but the most battle she had seen was what went down at the mountain. The peace had cost them a lot and it was what their people needed and so she couldn’t regret the lack of war, but her body itched for a real fight. Stalking through the undergrowth she felt rather than saw her fellow warriors around her. They were combing through the border areas to make sure there were no lurking ice nation forces waiting to attack their nearby villages.

It wasn’t any sound in particular that alerted Octavia to their presence but rather a lack of sound. She stopped to look around and just as she did an arrow flew out in front of her hitting a tree where she would have been had she not stopped. Falling to the ground Octavia rolled and drew her sword from her back in one sweeping motion. Taking refuge behind a tree Octavia peered out when the arrows stopped flying for a second to figure out where they were coming from. Spotting  a figure crouching a little ways away behind a rather large bush Octavia ducked back behind the tree as another arrow flew her way. Taking a deep breath Octavia sprinted out to the right and toward the crouched figure running so that the bush he had taken shelter behind actually provided her some protection. Realizing this the ice nation warrior leapt out from behind the bush so he could get an angle on Octavia. Unfortunately for him, by the time he had uncovered himself and pulled another arrow, Octavia was already within striking range and leaped at him knocking his bow away with her sword. The warrior pulled a knife from his belt and came at her but Octavia was too quick and took out his legs from beneath him. She then plunged her blade into his chest. Looking up she saw both Lincoln and Lexa engaged in fights of their own. Pulling her sword back out of the now dead man on the ground, Octavia ran to regroup with the other trikru to make sure none of the ice nation warriors had made it past their line.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Once Lexa had killed the ice nation warrior she had been fighting a horn rang out signaling the rest of the ice nation to fall back. She could see a few figures in the distance moving back towards the north. Even as she itched to follow them and continue to destroy them she knew it would be ill advised to follow them into ice nation territory while her own villages were still being attacked and the ice nation still had superior numbers against them. The battle had almost seemed too easy for what the ice queen had at her disposal, the warriors too easily defeated, perhaps Sona was losing her edge. Not wanting to question their victory Lexa moved off toward where her people were gathering.

 

Meeting up with her warriors back at the path Lexa took stock of how they had done. They hadn’t suffered any losses this time, although two of her people had injuries that they would need to tend to when they returned to the cavern.

“You fought well today Octavia”

At that Octavia’s face seemed to glow with happiness.

“Thank you Heda”

Lincoln looked on with pride and grasped Octavias hand as she continued on to check on her other warriors.

 

“Lincoln I will need you to go and get more of the herb used in Clarke’s treatment, Tanus I will need you to go find Indra and get the latest status of our borders, the rest will come with me back to the tunnels”

 

A murmur of assent ran around the group before they dispersed.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

What on earth was Monty supposed to do with this. He was good with computers not medicine… or psychology… or girls crying. Clarke had been tripping since almost immediately after the group left till now. She had talked to the wall for a couple hours, laid twitching in a corner for a while after that, then proceeded to fall unconscious. Thinking that he was finally getting a break Monty had slid down the wall shutting his eyes. But only minutes later a piercing scream ripped through the cavern making him jump so violently he fell over. Clarke hadn’t woken up but he found her curled in a ball sleep crying.

“Um….. Clarke…..its ok Clarke…” Monty said awkwardly as he kind of half patted half rubbed Clarke’s shoulder. He just sits by her with his hand on her shoulder as she quieted.

 

“Is it really?” A tired defeated voice comes out of the silence a few minutes later.

“what?”

“Is it really going to be ok?” It’s posed as a question but Monty already hears the defeat in her voice and seems that she doesn’t believe that it can ever be ok.

Monty doesn’t know what to say at first. “I don’t know Clarke, I hope so”

Clarke didn’t respond after that and seemed to fall asleep again

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Lexa finds Clarke asleep when she returns with Monty at her side. Monty fills her in on Clarke’s progress from the day and how many doses she received.

“She spoke to me”

“And? did this frighten you?”

“No I mean CLARKE spoke to me, the real Clarke. She sounded defeated and sad but it was her.”

“What did she say??” Lexa tried to keep her face indifferent.

“I dunno, she just asked me if everything was going to be ok, but like she already knew that it wasn’t”

Lexa couldn’t help but feel like this was progress.

 

Not wanting to wait, Lexa ordered her guard to get her when Clarke wakes up so that she could give her another cup full of the herbal tea. It seemed like it was working, it had to work.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“My Queen we know where they are keeping her, you were right, out warriors were able to follow the Commander right to her your plan worked perfectly”

“Good, tell them to wait until morning, I want them to attack at first light. Your first priority is to free Clarke, once she is out the battle should be all but won.”

“Of course my Queen”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always let me know what you think
> 
> You can also find me at www.tumblr.com/blog/mooshkila


	16. One step forward, One step back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ice nation makes another play at Clarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are always steps backwards in progress, remember that in this and coming chapters.

 

Her body hurt everywhere.

Where was she? No.          No.   what?  Why can’t she move her arms?

She opened her eyes to find her limbs in chains. She was in a small dark room and she could barely make out a figure leaning against the doorway. She wasn’t sure but it looked like they were watching her. Guarded. She was guarded. Because she was a prisoner.

What had she done? No she knew….. she...

she….

she…

No she can’t, she won’t think about it, she is a monster.

Clarke gratefully welcomed the fog that washed over her mind taking the pain with it.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lexa had relieved her guard some time in the early morning. She now sat watching Clarke sleep chained to the far corner of the room. Clarke had been clearly in the middle of some kind of troubling dream earlier in the night, she had been muttering and twitching but had quieted about an hour ago. She almost seemed calm now. No trace of the pain or the cold indifference written on her face, it was relaxed and almost childlike. Much like that time after their fight with the Pauna. It reminded her of a time when Clarke still trusted her.

Clarke stirred then, her face contorted as she seemed to regain consciousness. Pain and confusion washed over her face and Lexa went to stand up and go to her thinking that maybe something was wrong, maybe the chains were too tight. But then she froze, Clarke’s eyes had opened then and she seemed to stare blankly into the open room. It wasn’t the possibility of Clarke seeing her that stopped her, it was the look in her eyes. Lexa could see hurt and regret and confusion, the thing was.. she could see emotion. Something she hadn’t seen in those eyes in  a while. Not since that day at Delpha. Lexa watched as evidence of an internal battle played itself across her face. Then she watched as the emotions seemed to be wiped off and the mask seemed to fall back in place over Clarke. Where as the old Clarke seemed to be oblivious to her presence, with the return of the new Clarke she seemed to zero in on Lexa. With a sigh she got up and made her way over to where Clarke was sitting.

Clarke followed Lexa’s approach with her eyes but made no move to stand from her seated position.

Lexa sat down close to Clarke but still out of range if she chose to attack. Looking over Clarke for any signs of injury or illness Lexa noticed the bags that were starting to form under Clarke’s eyes and the red chaffed skin under the cuffs of the restraints.

_“How are you feeling this morning Clarke?”_

“ _Awful”_

_“Do you remember why you are here?”_

_“Of course, but why I am here and why you have me here are two separate things. You should give up now, if you were smart you would give up now. But you won’t and she knows that.”_

_“Why would you do this to yourself Clarke? Why would you submit to her, she is killing my people she is attacking your people.”_

_“That doesn’t matter now”_

For the first time since the conversation started Clarke looked away, down at her feet. Lexa moved to touch her shoulder, trying to coax the old Clarke back out hoping that maybe reminding her of what she had lost was getting through to her. But as Lexa made contact with Clarke the girl visibly tensed. Clarke’s eyes shot back up and Lexa withdrew her arm just in time for both of Clarke’s to come up just out of reach of her face. Lexa could see something almost farel in her eyes as she struggled against her shackles reaching for her target that was just out of reach. Blood started to run down Clarke’s arms where the bindings were digging into her flesh as she struggled.

_“Clarke stop!”_

But she seemed to not be able to get through to the blonde. Realizing that her presence was only making it worse Lexa backed out of the room. She ordered the healer to go see her once Clarke had calmed down to knock her out with a sedative and bandage her fresh wounds.

****  


After a quick breakfast Lexa went out to replenish the water herself. She needed some fresh air, the gloom of the tunnels was getting to her.

She made her way over to the nearby stream and proceeded to fill up the two large canteens after which splashing some on her face. The sun had just barely started to rise and the sky was a beautiful shade of pink and yellow.

Had she not been thinking over what the meaning of Clarke’s possible brief relapse into her old self could be, she would have noticed something in the shadows by the tunnel entrance as she left.

Would this keep happening? Does this mean the treatment is working? But she reverted so quickly, would the old Clarke ever stay?

As Lexa continued to give in to the little bit of hope that this morning had brought, she failed to notice several figures slip into the covered entrance to the tunnels.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Curled up next to Lincoln she found herself very awake. Octavia had heard most of the conversation that Lexa had with Clarke that morning and found herself asking the same questions. She definitely had not agreed with all of Clarke’s decisions since they had landed on the ground, the worst being when she had failed to warn the village of TonDC of the incoming missile. But she had at least understood on some level why she had done that. But this, Octavia still couldn’t get her mind around it, there had to be more to the story.

Trying her best not to wake Lincoln, Octavia made her way over to where someone had started a pot of breakfast goop. She called it breakfast goop because honestly she didn’t know what was in it and it looked a little like a pot full of snot, but oh my goodness it was delicious.

Octavia got a bowl of the goop and walked over to where Clarke was now sitting and staring at the wall silently. She sat at the opposite end of the wall and watched the girl she had thought she used to know pretty well. Clarke was swaying a bit, the sedative had mostly worn off after when the healer had bandaged her wrists but clearly she was still feeling a bit of the effects. Two girls sat in silence for a while, the only sounds coming from Octavia’s progress in her breakfast.

_“You were wrong you know”_

Clarke doesn’t respond so Octavia just continues.

_“It does matter, your people still need you”_

Octavia turned without another word and left the room, not seeing the regret fall over Clarke’s features.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lincoln woke to find the other side of the bedroll cold. Shifting to toss the blanket off of him, he got up to see where Octavia had gone off to.

As he walked over to where some of the trikru had started breakfast he heard something coming from the entranceway to the tunnel. Pausing he peered into the darkness to see if someone was coming back from a supply run and if they needed help. Suddenly his shoulder exploded in pain and he was thrown backwards. He fell into one of the inground ruts that ran throughout the cavern and landed on his back. He yelled out a warning to alert the rest of the warriors. Picking himself up from the ground he made sure that he had not broken anything. As he focused on his shoulder he saw that there was a large knife sticking out of it.

The sounds of fighting had broken out above him and so he ripped the knife out of his shoulder and hoisted himself out of the lowered section. It was obvious who the intruders were but their numbers were yet unclear. He could see five of them in the cavern itself but could hear more fighting from the surrounding areas.

He saw Octavia fighting with two ice nation warriors near the entrance to Clarke’s cell. Running over to help her he tackled one of them allowing her to focus on the one remaining. They both fought side by side, and for a while all that could be heard was the clash of blades. The one fighting Octavia lunged swinging his sword but she was able to deflect it sending him into the wall behind them. But instead of returning to fight her, the warrior took off in the other direction. Lincoln first thought he was retreating, but when Octavia shouted “NO!” and ran off after him he realized that he must have missed something. As he turned to follow after his path was blocked by another swing from his opponent causing him to stay put.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lexa dropped the water jugs she was carrying about half way down the tunnel when she heard the unmistakable sounds of fighting. Sprinting down the hall pulling her sword from her belt she cursed herself from leaving for so long. She wasn’t sure how but the ice nation must have followed them, there was no way they had just found the tunnel entrance by chance.

She burst into the cavern and had to immediately duck down to avoid an arrow shot her way.

After ducking and rolling she found herself directly in front of a rather burly looking ice nation warrior who looked like he could crush Lexa’s skill with one hand. But being big does not make one automatically a good fighter. Lexa was more agile and quicker than giant towering over her and so she used that to her advantage. As the he swung at her she dodged to the right and then the left allowing him to tire himself out. After one particularly forceful swing of his large sword, Lexa added to the already powerful momentum and gave him an additional shove in the side sending him crashing into the pillar next to them while his sword lodged into it. As he worked to yank the blade from the concrete Lexa lunged at him with her sword, removing his left arm from his body at the elbow. He roared in pain, abandoning his lodged sword the ice nation warrior lunged at Lexa with is good arm punching her in the jaw. Shaking her head until she stopped seeing stars and taking a few steps back Lexa readied herself for another go with the giant but right as he stepped in for another swing his legs gave out underneath him and he fell over. It seemed that he had lost too much blood from his openly flowing arm. Not wanting to give him a chance to stand up, Lexa quickly killed him before running farther into the fight.

She could see blades clashing and arrows flying from every corner of the cavern. It seemed that her warriors were doing quite well but as she turned to the right she watched as an ice nation warrior nearly decapitate her healer’s head from her shoulders with a single blow of a battle ax. Knowing that her healer had been killed instantly Lexa ran over to continue her fight. The ice nation warrior was quick and powerful, she blocked every lung Lexa made for her easily with her ax. One particularly forceful volley sent both of their weapons spinning out of their hands clattering away. Pausing for a second to see what the other would do they both stood panting waiting to see if the other would go for the weapons. The woman moved first diving to the ground towards the sword which was closer. Lexa dived for her instead and crashed into her before she could reach it.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hating herself for having left Lincoln in the fight, Octavia had sprinted off because she had seen where the ice nation warrior was headed. He was making a beeline right for Clarke. Octavia threw a dagger in the hopes it would slow him down before he made it to where Clarke was chained. The dagger hit its mark but only made him stagger for a second before he resumed his sprint. As she rounded through the door she saw that he had made it to Clarke and was working at unbuckling her. Octavia barrelled into him knocking him to the floor. His movements were slow and weak so the dagger in his back must have had more of an impact than his run had let on. Right as Octavia shoved her sword into his stomach he swung his club out connecting it with her temple. The ice nation warrior slumped to the ground with a groan and his eyes closed seconds later. Octavia’s world was swimming around her and she fell to her knees. She couldn’t see straight and everything around her was double. As blackness started to creep up from the edges of her sight she fell forward only barely catching herself before her face hit the ground. Peering up the last thing she sees before her world goes black is Clarke standing up out of her shackles freeing her legs and grabbing the blade that was at her feet.

_“ah shit”_

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lexa had been getting the upper hand on the ax wielding warrior for the past few minutes and now had her pinned down but right as she was about to drive her dagger down into her heart an arrow came out of nowhere and pierced her side. Taking the opportunity the pinned woman underneath her threw Lexa off. Staggering back Lexa clutched at her side, the arrow had not gone very deep but it was currently wedged between her ribs and very painful. Taking advantage of her distraction the ice nation warrior landed a kick into Lexa’s knees bringing her to the ground. With another blow but this time to where the arrow was still sticking out of her side Lexa’s body shut down and the warrior pinned her down straddling her chest. Having no more weapons she had to resort to wrapping her hands around Lexa’s throat. Unable to throw her off Lexa started to panic. She couldn’t fall now, it is true her spirit would find another but her people needed a leader now in order to defeat the ice nation. She couldn’t let Sona win. And if Sona wins then she gets Clarke back. Clarke…. no she can’t die right now.

Despite her denials she still couldn’t throw the woman off and her head felt like it was going to explode. Her vision was going funny and all she could see was the snarling face of the ice nation warrior above her. That was NOT the last thing she wanted to see in this life.

I am sorry Clarke.

Right as Lexa had given up hope and her vision was almost completely black the pressure suddenly disappeared and she could breath. She watched as the woman above her was ripped backwards and hands snaked around the side of her head and quickly twisted. With a loud snap the body went limp and was dropped to the floor.

Clarke was standing above her panting with a slightly crazed look in her eye. Quickly righting herself into a sitting position Lexa stared up at Clarke. She watched hesitantly as Clarke stood over her. She had saved her, some how Clarke was free and had chosen to save her. Her bandages had come off and Clarke’s wrists were slowly bleeding in addition to a rather long gash along her brow. She wasn’t moving though now, she just stood over Lexa, clenching and unclenching her fists.

_“Clarke, It’s Ok”_

_“I…… it’s…...no….. Lexa”_

Clenching her jaw between each attempt at a response Clarke started to sweat at the exertion of some kind internal battle.

After a few more moments of tense standstill while the battle continued to wage around them some unseen switch flipped. Lexa could see it happen in Clarke’s eyes, the emotion dropped off her face and a cold glint returned to her eyes. It seems that others recognized it too because just as Clarke lunged for Lexa  she convulsed and fell to the ground. As she hit the ground Monty stepped back brandishing a rather long taser-like staff with electricity crackling at the end.

_“Thats one way to test it I guess”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all of the comments and support, I love hearing what you think and I will try to get the next chapter to you as soon as I can.


	17. Failed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's programing rejects recent events and it takes a toll on her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I had my wisdom teeth removed and was not really in the writing mindset for a bit. Its not the longest chapter but I wanted to get something out to you all. Thanks for all of your comments!

Octavia’s head was pounding as she came back to consciousness. She found herself lying on a thin cot at one of the the ends of the cavern. As she put her hand up to her head to assess the damage she found that the side of her head had already been bandaged. Everything was swimming around her and she couldn’t understand how she got there.

There were sounds of activity all around her, shouting and shuffling and cries of pain. As things started to come back to her she remembered that there had been a fight, that the ice nation had found them. From the sounds around her she could tell that the battle was over, and the fact that she wasn’t dead must mean that they had won. She had been fighting…. Lincoln had been injured but she distinctly remembered him fighting alongside her….CLARKE. Clarke had been released. She shot upright causing a second wave of dizzyness to hit her.

She found plenty of others lying around her on similar cots in different states of injury. Others were scurrying around in between the injured tending to their different needs. She needed to find the Commander, they needed to start a search team and find Clarke, hopefully she had not gotten too far.

 

Octavia found the Commander sitting off to the side while a woman worked to stitch up the hole in her side.

_“Heda!”_ Octavia called as she hurried over to her as fast as her wobbly legs would take her.

_“Octavia you should not be on your feet”_

_“She escaped, Clarke escaped during the battle, we need to get out there and go find her!”_

Octavia was partially hyperventilating at this point, she couldn’t understand why everyone seemed so calm surely they had noticed that Clarke was no longer there. Had they given up on her?

Had Octavia not been still suffering the ramifications of a blow to the head and certainly a rather severe concussion she would have realized that there was something she didn’t know and that they would not be acting as they were had Clarke really been taken. But her current state did not allow these rational thoughts and so she allowed her anger to boil over.

_“I can’t believe you aren’t out there looking for her right now! You might have given up on her but I haven’t ok, she is still in there! You already abandoned her once don’t do it ag”_ A hand suddenly was slapped down over her mouth and a large arm circled around her pulling her back slightly.

_“Appologies Heda, she is still unwell from her head injury”_ Lincoln’s voice came from behind her and he continued to pull her backwards.

Lexa simply nodded while fixing Octavia with a rather steely stare before returning to injuries. Octavia let him drag her backwards till they were out of earshot, then she shrugged him off her.

_“What?! I can’t believe you are siding with her, we should be looking for Clarke!”_

_“Clarke is still here Octavia”_

This shocked the anger out of her.

_“Really?? how? did we recapture her? What happened Lincoln? I saw her get out of her bindings right before I blacked out.. didn’t I?”_

_“Yes, Clarke did escape from the chains but she didn’t leave. Monty incapacitated her with some kind of electric stick”_

_“She didn’t leave? What aren’t you telling me?”_

_“Well… she saved the Commander’s life….. right before she tried to kill her again.”_

Octavia opened and closed her mouth a few times not really sure what to say to that. What does that mean? She couldn’t decide if she thought that was a good thing or not. She saved Lexa from an ice nation warrior… that sounds a lot like progress. But she tried to kill her again, talk about a big step backwards.

All these thoughts spinning around her head caused her to feel faint again and her knees buckled a little and she stumbled.

_“Alright lets get you back to bed”_ Lincoln said as he half dragged half carried her back towards the impromptu infirmary.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Pain was everywhere.

 

Clarke had woken up a few hours ago to find herself in chains again but refused to open her eyes knowing what she would find, more death.

 

She had done this, this was her fault. Well not her fault exactly. But it was her, the blood was on her hands. …. well the ice nation’s hands… which were her hands now.

 

Why had she saved her… she wasn’t supposed to save her…. she had been told to kill her… she did the opposite. Failed. she failed her mission. she failed the ice queen.

The second this idea came to fruition in her addled mind pain lanced through her body seeming to spread from the long scars that extended over her back.

 

Clarke writhed on the ground where she was chained. It felt like fire was burning its way through her veins. “Failed failed failed failed failed”    was all her mind was saying as her limbs spasmed. She couldn’t control her legs at this point and so they repeatedly rammed into the spikes that were meant to keep her from running. The pain of the spikes digging into her thighs was added to the pain that was coursing through her.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Lexa had sat across the room as Clarke had begun to stir from her sleep. She watched as Clarke stiffened and seemed to take in her surroundings as she lay there with her eyes closed. And she continued to watch her as she lay there seeming to be trying to block out the world. But she couldn’t remain seated when Clarke started convulsing.

_“Fetch a healer!”_

She made it over to Clarke’s side and knelt by her head hoping to stabilize it some how without hurting her. Clarke’s face was twisted in pain and a white foam started to come out of the corners of her mouth.

Noticing how the restraints were piercing her legs and arms, Lexa moved to disconnect the bindings and keep any more damage from being done.

Many had gathered around her and Clarke by this point and other than wiping away the blood and sweat from her body they couldn’t seem to get her to calm. As she violently shook and twitched, a low whine started to come from her lips. It was impossible to tell at first but they were a string of words pouring from her mouth. One word really. She kept saying “failed” over and over again. Once those around her were able to understand what she was saying Lincoln pulled Lexa aside.

_“Heda, this is serious. The process of Jusgona makes you follow orders, not because you want to but because you have to. If a jusgona warrior feels they have failed their master in any way, they experience unthinkable pain until the problem can be fixed. She was told to kill you and she didn’t, she saved you. I don’t know how we can make this stop.. short of your death”_

There was a stunned silence after Lincoln finished. Obviously he was not proposing that they kill her, but how could there be nothing else that they could do?

Lexa watched Clarke shake and twitch with a look of pure desperation. She was the cause of this. And she couldn’t stop it. Lexa ran her hand through her hair in agitation and started to walk away, not being able to watch Clarke writhe in pain.

 

Clarke’s continued murmuring of “failed failed failed” started to grow in volume. No one seemed to notice Octavia moving away from Lincoln’s side toward the shaking girl. Everyone did notice however when a loud slapping sound bounced through the large room. All heads whipped around to see Octavia standing over a wide eyed Clarke.

_“HEY! Stop that! You DID NOT FAIL”_

There was silence all through out the room, nobody really knew how to react. Then all their gazes slowly shifted to Clarke. She was still staring wide eyed up at Octavia who was looking down at her with serious expression.

_“what?”_ It was small and almost lighter than a whisper but all could hear what had just come from Clarke’s lips.

_“You did not fail, you are strong and you are here with us. Please don’t disappear again”_  Octavia crouched down close to her pleading. Lexa watched as Clarke stopped twitching and her face transformed from one of pain to that of sorrow.

_“I…..I…..can’t Octavia… it hurts”_

_“I know, I know it does”_ And Octavia curls around her pulling Clarke’s head up into her lap hugging her upper body as if she is trying to physically keep “her” Clarke there. Clarke very quickly fell into unconsciousness in her arms.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Well this was unexpected. A pit had dropped into Lincoln’s stomach when he had run in to see what was happening to Clarke and found her convulsing. He had heard the different effects the jusgona process could have but he hadn’t believed all of them. It was baffling to think that the queen could hold that kind of psychological and physiological power over someone. He hadn’t thought they would be able to do anything for her at that point, and that Clarke would continue to spiral downward until her body would give out from the pain. He had not expected Octavia being able to bring her out of it. This changed things, for the first time things looked like progress.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Caris stumbled through the brush at the edge of the clearing where his people had set up camp. Clutching the ever flowing wound in his side he made his way over to where the guards were stationed. Even through his foggy mind caused from blood loss he mentally scolded the perimeter guards for letting someone stumble so noisily into camp without being stopped. He had just made it close enough that the guards had heard him and stood up to confront him when he crumpled and passed out.

 

Caris woke a few hours later inside the healing tent. He felt the new bandages that were around his abdomen and leg. When the healer in the corner saw that he was awake he quickly sent word for the Queen. Groaning he wished that he could have a few more minutes of unconsciousness, he feared this next conversation much more than he had feared for his life trying to make it back to camp.

It really only took about two minutes for news to get to the Queen and for her to come sweeping into the tent.

_“WHAT HAPPENED?!”_

_“My Queen.. we were out matched. They fought us back”_

_“But did you free Clarke? Did she kill the Commander??”_

_“I don’t know my queen, Tarus was going to free her but I never saw him after that. I was the only one to make it out.”_

Sona didn’t like what she was hearing. She paced back and forth in a fit of rage.

_“Well she hasn’t returned, so Clarke is either still in captivity or she is dead. Either way Lexa is still alive and this war is not yet won”_

The Queen continued to pace. Caris didn’t want to interrupt for fear that she would move to take her anger out on him.

_“I need to approach this differently. I need to take this to their weakest link. I need to take this to the skypeople”_

_“But my Queen… what about Clarke… you told her..”_

_“She had her chance and she failed, I will win this how ever I have to”_ The Queen cut him off. After the decision seemed to root in her mind she nodded and strode from the tent to make the necessary preparations.

Caris didn’t really care one way or the other about the fate of the skypeople, but he had been with Clarke since the beginning and he hoped for her sake that she really was dead because he didn’t think she would be able to take what his Queen was about to unleash on her people.


	18. Slow Improvement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the wake of the last attack, the group prepares for what needs to happen next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I have not excuses for how long I have neglected this story. I have been having trouble getting back my motivation and grad school was kicking my butt. I am sorry if its lost a bit of its luster but I am trying to figure out where to take the story.

Clarke had been sleeping for the past couple hours while Lexa worked to repair the damages done during the battle. She had sent messengers out to Camp Jaha and her top generals to get progress reports as well as update Clarke’s people of her progress in her recovery. Although the ice nation attack on their group had been unsuccessful in the end, they had lost almost a third of their group. They had sent the bodies back to their villages and families and now were in the process of assessing what remaining weapons and supplies they had. 

Realistically she should have killed Clarke a long time ago, the second she found out that her mind was the Ice Queen’s. That’s what the Commander part of her mind was telling her, that she was putting her people in continued jeopardy for one sky person. Even with the progress they had made, Clarke had still tried to kill her the last time she was loose. But as hard as she tried to convince herself that she was keeping Clarke alive because she could become much more useful as a weapon for their side against Sona, in reality she knew that she couldn’t abandon her again. They were the same, and she could let Clarke remain a pawn in her fight with Sona when both of their people were in danger.

Lexa continued to brood as she paced around the underground cavern waiting for her men to come back with news from the other parts of the border. She noticed Lincoln eyeing her hesitantly as she paced clearly unsure whether or not he should interrupt. A few times it seemed like he was about to walk up to her and say something but seemed to pull back warily again. Deciding to take pity on him she walked over to see what was on his mind that her current scowl was most likely keeping him from bringing up.  
“What is on your mind Lincoln?”  
“Ah, Heda, Well first off Clarke’s improvement is….. it has far surpassed what I expected. But she still has a long way to go….”  
“Spit it out Lincoln”  
“Her real breakthrough happened when she was stressed, and unrestrained. I think we will have to test her again, I think we will have to push her programing. It’s clear that she is conflicted now so I think we need to let that play out and let her true self break through her programing.”  
“What are you trying to say Lincoln, speak true”  
“I think we need to put you in there with her again.”  
Lincoln stood there holding his breath to see how the Commander would take his idea. He honestly wasn’t trying to get her killed or anything but really this seemed like the only way to get lasting results.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The fog would ebb and flow over her mind like waves. They no longer brought relief or washed away her guilt and feeling, they brought pain and a reminder that she had failed. As the fog would recede from her mind the crashing reality of what she had done started to register. Clarke would be in a constant state of trying to push the fog out of her mind only to welcome it back. 

She would catch words here and there from those around her, “forces” “reinforcements” “drained” and so on. Clearly the war was still raging without her, she knew the ice queen would not stop till Lexa’s forces were destroyed and she was dead. But she wouldn't move towards the skikru camp….. No she wouldn't… But now that she had failed … SHE HAD TO WARN TH..  
She crumpled in on herself as the fog returned to her mind, erasing all but the word failed from her mind.

\--------------

Octavia couldn't sit still anymore, the Commander hadn't let her go out on the last two battles since Clarke might need her. Honestly she had felt elated that first night after she was able to snap Clarke out of her psychotic downward spiral, she had thought that it marked the beginning of them getting the real Clarke back but the days since have shown little improvement. Sure Clarke wasn’t abrasively violent towards them anymore, but generally unresponsive. Making up her mind she got up, brushed herself off and made her way over to where the Commander was speaking with Lincoln. 

“Heda may I speak with you?”  
“Sha Octavia, what is it?”  
“I was hoping to take part in the battle today, I want to help defend the border today with you and the warriors”  
“I know that you tasked me to watch over Clarke but she has not been responding to me lately and I think that I would be better suited to help fight, you need all the people you can get after the last few battles” Octavia continued without so much as a breath.  
“I have trained with your warriors, I know that I ca” Octavia was silenced by the Commander clearing her throat loudly.  
“Octavia that is enough, you may accompany my warriors in their battle today, I will actually be remaining here today.”   
“If that is all, you will need to speak with Donnon he is leading the attack today, I have things to attend to.” Lexa continued at Octavia’s stunned silence at so easily getting what she wanted. With that Octavia gave her a curt nod and practically skipped off to where the other warriors were preparing for battle.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lexa watched as her warriors gathered their weapons and started to leave their underground base. Octavia was marching along with them at Lincoln’s side, who obviously had elected to go once he had heard that Octavia was going, she had the same kind of grin that most youngins have before the honey festival. Lexa continued off towards the far corner with a small smile playing on her mouth, Octavia has the potential to become a great warrior as long as she refrains from insulting her superiors anymore.

As she neared the door in the far corner her smile disappears and a noticeable weight settled in her stomach. Which Clarke would she be met with today?

Lexa nodded at the guard at the door who straightened when he saw her coming.   
“You are not to enter unless I tell you to, is that clear?”  
“Heda?”  
“I said is that clear?”  
“Of course Heda”

Lexa stepped in then to find the grungy blonde sitting in the corner of the room, slightly rocking back and forth. Once the blue eyes found her the rocking stopped, she stilled and her eyes hardened.  
“Hello Clarke”


	19. Heart to Heart?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke finally get to talk a little

Clarke remained motionless in the corner, just staring at the doorway where Lexa was now standing. The air in the room was suddenly thick with tension as they stared at each other, waiting to see if the other would react. Lexa waited patiently to see if the murder would return to the girl’s eyes but after a few minutes it seemed like Clarke was not in the attack first ask questions later mood so she felt safe enough to walk further into the room.

Lexa walked to the center of the room, to the point just outside where Clarke’s chains would allow her to reach, and sat down. As she did this Clarke simply continued to stare at her, but as Lexa continued to watch she started to realize that Clarke’s gaze was not the cold steel that she had gotten so used to, but one of more apprehension. Clarke seemed guardedly worried as she watched Lexa. Not quite sure how to interpret this change, Lexa crossed her legs and put her sword at her side. She wanted to show Clarke that she didn’t mean her any harm but at the same time that she was ready if Clarke tried anything.

Lexa looked up as she heard a sort of muffled snort come from Clarke. 

_ “Do you… is that supposed to scare me? Do you really think that would help?”  _ Clarke said after a moment.

_ “Honestly Clarke I don’t know, I don’t know. With your decision to go through the Jusgona I should be dead already, but I am not. So you tell me Clarke, will I need my weapons?” _

Lexa’s tone was more quizzical then it was accusatory but she noticed Clarke flinch at the underlying blame in her question.

Clarke fidgeted at let out an exasperated huff  _ “look you clearly know what I am now and what the Ice Queen has sent me here to do, so what are you waiting for? Why am I not dead yet?” _

_ “Yes, I know what Sona has commanded of you, but to that I ask you again why I am not dead yet? That is why you are still here.” _

Clarke remained silent staring at the floor with a frustrated frown, her slight rocking having returned to her body.

_ “Clarke”  _ Lexa prompted slightly louder

_ “What?” _

_ “Why am I still here?”  _ Lexa repeated.

_ “What do you want me to say?! That I am suddenly fixed?? no Lexa, I can’t tell you why you are still here, I failed but don’t give me another chance because I won’t fail another time.”  _ Clarke suddenly exploded. She slumped back after she was done, breathing quickly and clenching and unclenching her fists.

_ “I don’t believe you Clarke, and I know you don’t either. You are stronger than this. You can beat her.” _

_ “Why do you care Lexa?”  _ Clarke asks in an exhausted tone.

_ “What do you mean Clarke?” _

_ “Why do you care? Why are you wasting your time trying to change me back? You know Sona won’t stop till she destroys you. She says she is doing this for the blood she is owed but you know that she is just using it as an excuse to attack. She won’t stop.” _

_ “You should be out there with every warrior possible if you want a chance at your people’s survival, Sona has a large army at her command.”  _ Clarke continued desperately.

_ “You are right, she has strong forces but it is not without hope, we are strong as well and this is our land, it will not easily be taken from us. As for why I am still here, you told me once that it should be about more than just surviving. We will win this war AND we will win you back from her.” _

 

Clarke was silent for a while, just staring down at her hands.

 

_ “I am not worth saving”  _ If Lexa hadn’t been listening intently she wouldn’t have heard it. Clarke hadn’t moved but she could see the weight on her shoulders as she continued to stare at her hands.

_ “That is not true Clarke, there are few that would deserve to be saved more than you.”  _ Lexa responded gently.

_ “You don’t know what I have done, there is so much blood on my hands”  _ Clarke shuddered as her voice broke.

_ “I think I do, and that wasn’t you, that was Sona. You didn’t have control.” _

_ “But you see that’s the worst of it, because it’s still my fault all the same. It was my choice, it was all my choice….. it’s always my choice… just like last time…. all my fault…”  _ Clarke began to work herself into hysterics. 

_ “Clarke!” _

_ “CLARKE!” _

Lexa tried to get the frantic girls attention but she seemed to be trapped in her own world of guilt and pain. With seeing that there was no getting through to the girl she stepped forward till she was right in front of the girl.

_ “Clarke”  _ She said as she touched her arm.

 

All she saw before she was on the floor was Clarke’s angry eyes flash to hers. And just like that she was staring up at Clarke who was towering over her. She was still chained up but Lexa had entered the range in which Clarke had enough slack to move around.

 

Clarke was standing over her visibly shaking. She seemed rigidly locked into place with her fists white at her sides.

_ “Clarke” _

_ “Lexa I need to you move away now” _

_ “Clarke it is ok, just” _

_ “NO LEXA I NEED YOU TO GET AWAY NOW!”  _ Clarke yelled, her face was now a bright hue of red and blood was dripping from her fists. 

Lexa quickly started to scoot back, all the time keeping her eyes locked on Clarke. She could see a battle being waged in Clarke’s body. A moment later she made it to where she had left her sword. In the split second it took her to look down to grab the sword Clarke had suddenly appeared right next to her. As she looked back up and saw that all the conflict was gone from those eyes and nothing but the cold deadness was left. Clarke lunged for her and Lexa only just had enough time to swing her still-sheathed sword out and make contact with the side of Clarke’s head. It barely stunned the girl but it was enough for Lexa to scoot the remained of the distance to where she was outside of the blonde’s range.

 

Lexa left the room with the girl still straining at her restraints.

  
…. Well she had managed to stop herself from attacking for a while… that’s progress right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. I appreciate those who have commented and left kudos so far, I apologize for not having updated in so long so thanks to those who have stuck with it :)


	20. The return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems there are forces at work that want to put Clarke's recovery to the test. Lexa finds out why Clarke left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well..... that destroyed me. So I am pretending it didn't happen. Nope. Nope. Still alive.

The next week past in a similar fashion. Lexa would spend the morning addressing the different duties relating to the war with the Ice Nation, and in the evening she would go to where Clarke was chained up and test the girl’s programing. 

Generally Clarke’s reactions to her presence stayed constant, but every now and then Lexa would see Clarke successfully resist the urge to attack her. The girl would freeze while the steely glare would return to her eyes, then after a moment she would just sort of shake her head as if to ward off some unseen annoyance, and Clarke would return.

Lexa thought that at this rate, if they were able to keep at it, Clarke might be able to return to a state where she wouldn’t try to kill Lexa soon. Unfortunately outside forces seemed determined to throw a wrench in Clarke’s rehabilitation.

 

_ “Commander you were right”  _ One of her warriors said as she approached. 

Lexa sighed  _ “So the infrequency of attacks does mean that the Ice Nation is regrouping for a large scale incursion?” _

_ “Yes, one of our scouts saw them massing towards the city of Tandow” _

This was not what Lexa wanted to hear. She had been suspicious of the lack of Ice Nation attacks in the past few days, they had even been able to take a few border cities back along the north east. Now she knew why, Sona is nothing if not clever, she would not start a war without some tricks up her sleeve. She would need to mass all she could toward where the Ice Nation was going to attack. 

_ “Very well, bring me the messengers we have I need to get notice to all our forces. We will need to have war council with the generals in TonDC as soon as we know the target.” _

The warrior bowed and went off.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Clarke had been listening off and on to Lexa’s meeting with the scout. Sound carried pretty well in the cave and most of the other warriors were out on a mission.

 

_ “....large scale incursion…”  _ She knew Sona would not take kindly to her failure. Without warning her mind clouded with dread and reminders of her failure, she slumped to the side while her vision blurred and her senses shut down.

A few minutes later she regained herself. She needed to know where this attack was going to be, she needed to know if her people were safe. This might be all her fault.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Octavia was out with the group of warriors that was assisting with the defence of a border village called Dandoo. She had broken off with Lincoln to attempt to circle around back of a group of Ice Nation warriors that had been shooting arrows at them from the high ground. With a quick wave of her hand she signaled for Lincoln to split off to the right while she went left.

Octavia had been working diligently to move as silently as the Trikru but still had more to learn. As she was just about to get within striking distance of one of the Ice Nation warriors she stepped on a particularly crunchy leaf. The warrior spun around zeroing in on her location. So much for the element of surprise. Without a second thought she flung herself at him sword raised.

It seemed that the warrior was much more skilled with a bow then a sword, Octavia was able knock him to the ground after a matter of minutes. As she moved into deliver the killing blow he said something that stopped her.

_ “It makes no difference, your people will be dead soon” _

_ “What do you mean, the Trikru have you out-matched, we have taken back nearly all the cities”  _ Octavia spat back.

_ “Not the Trikru, YOUR people you child, the skikru will be dead by sunset tomorrow” _

Octavia plunged the sword into his chest, she needed to find Lincoln and get back to the Commander immediately. 

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Lexa was off to the side working on her weapons and armor, it had been a while since she had taken the time to sharpen and shine them. From where she was seated Lexa had a view into the room where they were keeping Clarke. She was asleep now, Lexa had been able to sit a little closer to the blonde today without her attacking, but it seems the struggle had worn her out. Lexa couldn’t help her mind wandering to what would happen after the war, after they had brought Clarke back to her old self. Would she stay? or would she disappear again?

 

Lexa was startled out of her wandering thoughts when there came shouts from the tunnels.

_ “Commander! They are going to attack the Sky People! They are going to the Sky camp!” _

Octavia’s voice came bouncing through the halls.

Once she barrelled into the cavern she made her way over where Lexa was now standing looking tense.

_ “They are going to attack tomorrow, we need to warn them.”  _ Octavia was out of breath and Lincoln was not much better at her side.

_ “Tell me everything, how do you know this”  _ Lexa tried to keep her voice steady as a growing sense of dread was filling her stomach. This would be Sona’s revenge, she knew that Lexa would go to their aid.

Octavia proceeded to tell her about the battle that morning and what the Ice Nation warrior had said after she had bested him.

 

She knew that it was necessary to marshal all her forces if they were going to have a chance at beating the Ice Nation army, commanding from here while hiding Clarke was not an option anymore. She wasn’t sure if Clarke was ready but she didn’t have a choice now. Hoping she wasn’t about to send Clarke back down the rabbit hole, Lexa gave the order to pack up and prepare to march towards the Skikru camp.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Clarke had been awake since Octavia had come barreling into the caves shouting. She now remained curled in a ball as fear and self loathing ran rampant through her mind. This was her fault. She had failed and now Sona was going to kill her people. Why couldn’t she ever save anyone? all she ever caused was death. She had done everything she could and still failed. It felt like there was this gaping sucking hole in her chest that was threatening to consume her. Clarke moved to press her hand to her chest to alleviate some of the pressure and allow her to breathe.  

Her mind had become clearer and clearer each day, probably thanks to that god awful tea that Lexa kept making her drink. But honestly it was also in part due to Lexa’s presence. She would just sit there patiently and trust that Clarke could fight it. She would have given up days ago, but Lexa believed that she was strong enough, and so she tried. The fog was all but on the very edges of her mind and hadn’t threatened to take over in a while. With this clearing of her mind returned her memories. She could remember every detail of what she had done for Sona. She hadn’t had a restful nights sleep since her memories had returned.

 

Chains rattling near the entrance to her cell roused her from her thoughts. Looking up she saw Lexa and Octavia there. Octavia had the metal harness that she had been in when they transported her here, full of spikes and complete with a remote activated electric system that could fry her.

What were they doing? How could they be so stupid and think it was a good idea to take her with them?

_ “What the hell are you doing?”  _ Clarke said voicing her thoughts.

_ “Clarke the Ice Nation is going to”  _ Lexa began but Clarke cut her off. 

_ “I know what they are going to do, they are marching on my people, but what do you think you are doing? You can’t take me there” _

_ “We have to Clarke, we need everyone, I can’t leave any warriors with you” _

_ “Then just leave me here, I will just endanger them, you can’t let me near them… please”  _ Clarke nearly whispered the last word. She wouldn’t let herself cause any more damage to her own people.

_ “I am sorry Clarke, I can’t do that”  _ Lexa said as she approached with the harness. 

Clarke tensed, as always Lexa’s presence sent jolts through her body telling her to attack, telling her to finish what she was sent here to do. But it had become easier to restrain them, she could keep them at bay now as long as she concentrated. 

_ “And I am sorry about this”  _ Lexa continued. Clarke tilted her head to the side slightly, confused. While focusing all her energy on not lashing out at Lexa, Clarke had failed to notice Octavia sneak around behind her. A stinging in her neck alerted her to the other girls presence but by then it was too late. Clarke slumped to the floor unconscious. 

  
  


When Clarke came to she felt a rhythmic swinging from below her. She was laying down on something hard that seemed to be moving and bumping. As she opened her eyes she saw trees passing above her. Then she remembered what had happened before and knew that she must be with Lexa and her army heading back to her people’s camp. She has to find a way to get away.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Lexa watched as Clarke began to twitch. Her horse was trotting behind the carriage and so she had a good view on Clarke and her restraints. She saw as Clarke slowly opened her eyes in confusion, and shortly after her brow creased and a rather stormy expression took over her face.

Well Lexa figured that it was safe to assume that Clarke had figured out what had happened and where they were going, so there was no use bringing it up now. Clarke’s adamant refusal of coming with them had perplexed her a bit, she knew Clarke was aware enough to understand everything that had happened now and that it didn’t fully control her now. So she had thought that part of Clarke would want to protect her people, to return to them. She had many questions running through her head, Clarke had always perplexed her but nothing about her situation had made sense since she had found Clarke covered in mud next to her snare.

 

The sun had started to set and Lexa new they would need to make camp for the night. Although the risk of running into Ice Nation warriors was low with Sona regrouping her army, Lexa was not about to be caught off guard in the dark.

 

Her warriors worked to set up a perimeter and make a fire. Lexa saw to making sure that there were no blind spots in the watch posts. After everyone started to get settled down for the evening, Lexa brought some food over to where Clarke had been secured. Still in her traveling restraints, Clarke was chained to a thick oak tree a short distance from the fire. She set the plate down next to Clarke who was sitting with her back against the tree, staring at her hands. Lexa sat down next to her with her own plate of food and started to slowly pick at it.

_ “You should eat something Clarke”  _ She said after some time had passed and Clarke seemed to have no intention of touching it or acknowledging her presence. 

_ “Why?” _

_ “Why what Clarke?” _

_ “Why are you feeding me? Why are you taking me? Why are you making things worse for my people?”  _ Clarke ranted, still not looking up from her hands.

_ “Clarke I don’t understand, why don’t you want to return to your people? We are going to defend them, don’t you want that?”  _ Lexa asked honestly perplexed. 

_ “Because if I go then I will just make things worse! I will just get them killed! It’s my fault they are endangered now and I will just make it worse!”  _ Lexa could see tears running down her cheeks but she held her hand back, she could see the way Clarke’s entire body was tense due to her proximity. 

_ “Clarke this is not your fault, please don’t think that, this is Sona’s doing” _

_ “No you don’t get it, I was her weapon and I failed, so now my people will pay the price” _

_ “Clarke she used you, you didn’t fail, this is her” _

Clarke just let out a shaky laugh and shook her head.

_ “I chose this, and now because she didn’t get what she wanted my people are going die” _

Lexa was quiet at this, she knew that in order to survive the jusgona the warrior needs to do it voluntarily. She had never understood why Clarke had done it, had she really been that mad at her for what she had done on the mountain?

After a while of silence Lexa got up the courage to ask.  _ “Clarke…. Clarke why did you decide to do it? Why did you let Sona turn you into this?” _

_ “It doesn’t matter” _

_ “Yes it does, I know you, you wouldn’t give up your freedom and endanger your people for no reason” _

_ “Just leave it Lexa” _

_ “No. How could you do this Clarke!”  _ Lexa raised her voice now, she just needed to know if she caused this.

_ “What do you want me to say Lexa! It doesn’t change anything ok! I thought I was saving them!”  _ Clarke shouted finally looking back at her.

_ “What do you mean Clarke”  _ Lexa asked her voice lower now.

_ “After the mountain I left, I couldn’t be there anymore, I couldn’t see their faces and know what I had done to get them there. I walked north and came across her army camped at the border. I hadn’t been caring if I made noise while walking and so once I caught sight of the camp I was knocked out before I could run away.” _

Clarke was back to staring at her hands.

_ “When I woke up I was with Sona in her tent. She told me that she knew about how you and I had let the bomb drop on TonDC. She told me that since among the other warriors that she had sent there as part of the coalition, her brother’s son had been killed. For this she was going to take the blood she was owed. Since it was both yours and my decision, she would be taking people from the trikru and skikru to replace her warriors. She told me that she had herbs and drugs that would brainwash them to be loyal to her and serve her. I had seen the look in the Ice Nation warriors eyes and so I believed her.” _

Clarke began to shake a little more and her breathing became more ragged. 

_ “I pleaded with her, I told her I would go in place of my people, that I would serve her. She told me that it wasn’t enough. That my people owed her more than one girl. And so she told me that there was one way that she would consider the debt payed and leave immediately. If I agreed to go through the jusgona. If I voluntarily went through that, then she would leave our people alone. She told me what it entailed. She told me that if I survived the process that she would never attack my people and leave them in peace.” _

Clarke let out a deep breath, tears running down her face.

_ “So I agreed” _


	21. The making of a jusgona warrior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa finally asks Clarke about what had happened to her, and Clarke finally opens up a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me way too long to update, no excuses, thanks to those that are still with me and reach out to tell me that they like the story.
> 
> Also on a formatting note, I decided to stop italicizing the parts that are spoken. Honestly it was just a little tedious, sorry if it throws you off a bit.

Lexa was quiet for a little while after that, she just stared out over the tree line trying to wrap her head around everything that Clarke had just told her. The guilt was boiling in her chest as she thought about how Clarke had paid the price for her decision. She had chosen to let the bomb drop on TonDC, she had convinced Clarke it was the right thing to do, she had been the reason Sona had felt justified in demanding blood and forced Clarke’s hand in taking their place. Clarke would always try and save her people, but in this last act she had saved some of Lexa’s own as well, even after she had abandoned Clarke on that mountain.

 

Clarke was staring off into the distance now, seemingly caught up in her own memories, every once and awhile she would twitch and rub at her back or neck.

 

“The jusgona is mostly just believed to be a tale to tell unruly kids amongst my people, we do not know much about it, about how it is done…..” Lexa started hesitantly. “What exactly did she do to you Clarke?”

Clarke stilled, seeming to curl in on herself. “You don’t want to know Lexa”

“Please, if you are not ready I can wait, but I need to know”

Clarke was silent for several minutes. Lexa had almost given up on getting anything more out of the girl that night when she heard Clarke start speaking.

“I never knew what was exactly in the poultice, all I knew was that it always smelled of mint. It started out with me being locked in a windowless room for days at a time, and only when my body was at the point of collapse would I be brought a cup of that mint concoction.  It was disgusting, my body wouldn’t accept it at first, I kept throwing up, and only after my body stopped rejecting the mint drink was I taken upstairs. The second phase was excruciating. The Ice Queen would command me to place my hand on a burning coal without flinching. I of course was unable to do so and was strapped down to a table with my back exposed. She would make long cuts the length of my back and then put the mint poultice on them. It would send a burning shooting pain through my whole body and she would stop when I passed out, I had to be awake for it. So she would continue to do that, each time waiting for my back to heal then asking me to resist flinching when grabbing the coal and then repeating the cuts when I failed. It continued like that for 3 moon cycles. I could feel something changing after a while, I started to loose my grip on things around me and my body would feel numb. Eventually whenever the Queen would demand anything I would feel this….. kind of fog sweep into my mind, compelling me to act. And then the fog just wouldn’t leave, I was aware mostly of what was going on around me, what I was doing, but I didn’t really understand. I saw myself reach for the coal and I felt it burning my flesh but I didn’t react because she didn’t want me to.”

Clarke paused for a second, reflexively looking down at her hand, for a second if was like she could feel the burn again.

“Sona was pleased, she said that I was progressing far faster than she had hoped. The pain I could take but what came next was the worst. She had to test her control over me, to make sure it was absolute. Which it wasn’t at first. She started with little things like having me balance on one leg for extended periods of time, or punch the wall, things like that.” Clarke saw Lexa’s face react to that in destain and sighed, “oh, that was just the start of it, the things she made me do only got worse..” Clarke looked down at the ground. 

“Please Clarke, continue.. If you are ready” Lexa said, not wanting her inability to school her own features to have shut her down.

“If I hesitated, or was not strong enough to do what she wanted me to she would repeat the process of cutting my back. And after a while I got stronger and faster. Once I was able to break a sword in half she moved on to focus on her control. She started by bringing in a random girl off the street and commanded me to slap her. I would have to keep her from reapplying the poultice but my mistake was that I hesitated. And so she continued with little commands like that. Until one day…. I … she thought she wanted to see if her control was total so she…”

Clarke broke off and started shaking, a rattled breath came out of her and Lexa could see a tear running down her cheek. But she held her ground and waited, all she wanted was to wrap her arms around the distressed girl but she couldn’t. After a minute Clarke continued.

“There was this young boy named Tanny that had been in charge of bringing me food and water while I healed, after a week or so he got curious and started speaking to me. He asked me of the sky and the stars, of my people and our traditions. It was nice, I was able to forget where I was for a little bit when I spoke to him. Well one day I was waiting for the queen to give me her latest command to test my conditioning, and she walks in with a small figure with a bag over their head. She handed me a short dagger and told me to kill them. I felt the fog come into my head and knew that no matter what my mind was saying, my body was going to do it. Then she pulled the bag off the figures head and it was Tanny. I couldn’t, I just couldn’t let my hand be the one to kill him. In a brief moment of coherency I was able to drop the knife and fell to my knees feeling a shooting pain in my back as I did so. The queen wasn’t happy with me. She made sure I was beaten that day before she gave me another dose of the poultice. I didn’t see Tanny while I was healing this time, naturally I feared that she had him killed after I failed. Part of me was glad that at least I hadn’t been the one to do it. I am not sure what she did differently that time, since I still don’t know what was in the mixture, but something was more potent. It burned through my system ten times hotter than before. Sona told me that she had tried to be gentle with me” Clarke snorted at this “but that now I had forced her hand and she was going to have to use stronger measures. Well it worked. When I woke up after my back had fully healed over I was only partially there. It was like I was simply a passenger in my own body…. Well no that’s not quite it… I had control but it’s like there was this second force pulling me different ways… and I wanted to follow it… I wasn’t sure why but I knew that bad things would happen if I didn’t… and my mind was sort of fuzzy which made everything sort of …. muted.”

Clarke seemed to be having trouble forming her thoughts, she kept reaching out like she could touch this abstract compelling force in front of her.

“So when I opened my eyes that day I simply waited. I waited for Sona to return as I knew she would. And when she finally walked through the door I think she could tell something was different because she just grinned and told me to follow her, turning around without checking to see if I was following. Which I was. She had me do the agility course again, walk on glass, and whip one of the prisoners. After all that she walked me back to her tent and told me I was almost done, that I had one more test. I had been trying to clear my head all day but with no luck this time, the fog in my mind didn’t go away like it used to after I completed an order. Part of me knew what was coming but didn’t want to accept it.”

Clarke let out another strangled sob.

“She marched Tanny out in front of me and told me to bring her his head.”

Clarke was silent for a few minutes after she said that.

“And I did” Clarke says this with clear self loathing in her voice.

“I was screaming the whole time in my head but my body just walked up to the shaking boy. He looked at me with such fear and disbelief. I kept trying to resist until I was right next to him, he seemed to be too scared to move. It was when my lashed out to cut his throat that I realized it was over, that there was nothing I could do, so I did the only thing I could do. In accepting the order my body allowed me enough give to change the direction of my dagger. Instead I was able to plunge my dagger directly into his spine, killing him instantly without any pain. As he crumpled to the floor my mind just stopped, I couldn’t accept it and so I didn’t. Everything afterward just sort of blurred together and lost all meaning. I didn’t even notice Tanny’s blood on my hands after I placed his head at Sona’s feet.”

Clarke stilled and looked up at Lexa.

“After that she had her jusgona warrior, I did whatever she asked of me, I killed who she wanted killed and destroyed what she wanted destroyed.”

 

“It wasn’t till after I had started killing along the Ice nation - Trikru border that she told me what my ultimate missions was, the main reason she had wanted a jusgona warrior. She told me that it was all so that she would be able to kill you and take over control of the coalition. I had traded myself to become your assassin so that she would leave my people alone, and I have failed in that so now she is going to punish me by killing them.”

 

Clarke slumped back when she was finished telling her story, defeated. Lexa couldn’t bring herself to speak and so they both remained silent sitting next to each other in the darkness.

 

Lexa had known that it was going to be bad but she had not imagined this. All Clarke had been doing from the beginning was trying to protect her people, she had not deserved this, she had not deserved what Lexa’s own decisions had brought upon her but still Clarke had suffered. Lexa could not imagine the feeling of her own body being used by one so cruel as Sona. When Lexa finally pulled herself out of her spiraling thoughts she noticed that Clarke’s breaths had become more shallow and slow. She got up, and after making sure that Clarke’s bindings were properly attached to the tree, she draped a blanket over the sleeping girl.

  
Tomorrow they would arrive at the skikru camp and would face whatever Sona threw their way, she only hoped they weren’t too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think, or feel free to say hello, you can find me at the user name mooshkila on tumblr


	22. Talk with the Space Walker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skikru camp is preparing for battle and Raven has a much needed chat with Clarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always sorry for the delay, It took me a little longer to write this because I wasn't sure exactly how to write this part, its mostly just sets up the next chapter.

Apart from a few remaining scorch marks and bent metal, there were very few remaining indications of the attack on camp. Bellamy had returned to his normal rounds schedule and only a few of the remaining injured arkers and grounders were still in the healing tent. He usually stopped by in the mornings and then again a little after dinner. The grounder warrior that had saved him was still recuperating, but to his relief it was looking good. Abby said that it really should only be a few more days before she should be able to get out of bed and move her legs. 

 

It was on one of his morning rounds that he saw someone emerging from the western forest. The man in clear trikru garb walked towards the entrance to where bellamy went to meet him.

“I have news from Heda”

Bellamy gave a short nod and the warrior continued.

“The Ice Nation is preparing for an attack and she believes that the skikru camp will be the target, she sent me here to warn you and help start the preparations before she arrives later this afternoon”

“She is coming now?”

The warrior gave a nod.

“Is Clarke coming with her?”

The warrior gave another nod. And with that Bellamy opened the gate letting him in. He needed to get word to Abby as soon as possible. They barely survived the last attack and that was just to get Clarke back, he wasn’t sure how they were going to survive this one.

 

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Clarke woke with a rather unpleasant lump digging into her back, the tree she had slept up against was far from comfortable. As she opened her eyes she saw the other trikru working to break down the camp and load the cart back up, backlit by the pink sky of the early morning. 

 

Her back still had residual aching from recalling what had happened to her last night, she could still feel each one of the cuts along her back.

 

Clarke sighed as she watched Lexa move around the camp, preparing to march to her people’s defence. She knew that Lexa was just doing what she thought was best, as she always did. But Clarke also knew that she was still a grave danger to her people, and to Lexa, and she needed to find some way to convince them of that.

 

When the time came, she allowed a warrior to carry her over to the waggon and lock her to the bed of it. It wouldn’t be long now, they would arrive at her camp not long before the scouts predict the attack to happen.

 

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It didn’t take long for them to reach the part of land that the skikru had fallen on and then claimed. The site of it always gave Lexa mixed feelings, it reminded her of all the blood they had shed of her people, but also of their potential. Under Clarke’s leadership they had accomplished so much, but under the leadership of others they are capable of so much ignorance and hate. But their past was precisely why they were in danger now, her and Clarke’s actions in taking down the mountain had put the skikru camp directly in Sona’s crosshairs.

 

The camp seemed to be more active than tending to normal day activities, her messenger must have been able to deliver her message successfully. Honestly their defensive systems made no sense to her, they still seemed to rely on the idea that with a big enough wall in addition to their guns that no other defensive tactics were necessary. She still had only ever seen those of the original 100 express interest in learning her people’s methods of fighting.

 

After a brief pause to give the skikru enough time to notice their presence, she brought her forces down to the front gate.

 

“Identify yourselves!” Lexa heard shout out in a gruff yet timid voice from behind the gate.

“What the fuck is wrong with you! … hey! Ahghgg!....” Lexa heard a few more muffled twacks and some more low voices. Then the gate started to open.

As those behind the gate came into view, Lexa sees Raven standing there to greet her with a older skikru man slumped on the ground and another one holding what looks to be a broken nose.

“Sorry about that Commander, we cleared out a spot that your warriors can set up your things.”

Just then a rather haggard looking Abby came running out of the giant metal structure.

“Is Clarke with you??” Abby was craning her neck to see if her daughter was among those marching with Lexa.

“Hello Abby, yes Clarke is with us but we would like to move her to a secure location before we let her out, I do not want any Ice Nation scouts to see that we have brought her back here. The Queen should not know she is here, or she will make another attempt to free her.” Lexa says calmly.

“Oh, ok, yes this way” Abby seemed to deflate a bit, but her eyes have zeroed in on the covered cart a few paces away.

Lexa had fastened a large tarp over the cart carrying Clarke a little after they started walking this morning. She knew that Sona would assume that Clarke was being kept under lock and key close by, but if she were to know the exact location Sona would undoubtedly try to free her during the fight.

 

Abby led her and the cart along with a grouping of her warriors over to a side of the Ark that was covered and they would be able to bring Clarke out of the cart without being seen. Abby gasped slightly when she saw the level of bindings that had her daughter secured to the cart. Clarke looked up at the noise her mother made but looked down again pretty quickly after that. Lexa could see a storm of emotions behind her eyes but Clarke’s face remained impassive.

 

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Clarke couldn’t stand the look her mother was giving her right now. She knew that by now her mother knew roughly of what Clarke had gone through and what her choice had turned her into. She knew that her mother still wanted to protect her and shield her from the situation as you would a child. The problem was she wasn’t her little girl anymore, she stopped being a child a long time ago, and that kind of thinking was going to get her mom hurt.

 

Lexa’s warriors lifted her out of the cart and stood her up so that she could shuffle through the metal door. It was slow going moving to the makeshift prison cells with her restricted range of movement. And if that wasn’t enough to make those inside stop and stare, the group of large bulky trikru warriors on either side of her definitely were.

 

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Raven had been sitting at the small fire ring outside of the side entrance to the Ark for the past hour ever since the Commander and Abby had locked Clarke up in there. She hadn’t really had a chance to talk to Clarke since she returned to them and definitely didn’t have a moment to talk to her after they found out that she was a brainwashed assassin for the Ice Nation.

 

She figured now was a good a time as any, since everyone else was busy preparing for the battle that the Trikru scouts said should be starting a little after noon. Or at least her approximation of noon, they always say something imprecise and mystical like ‘when the sun is highest in the sky’ or crap like that. She figured that she had about an hour before shit started going down.

 

Slipping past the guard that was blocking off this part of the hall that led up to Clarke’s containment room, Raven made her way up to the third door on the right and slipped in. Clarke was chained to the far wall and still in the confinement harness that she had built. Clarke’s eyes were closed but seemed to be more meditating than sleeping, she was pretty sure that Clarke knew she was there.

“You shouldn’t be here” Clarke said while still not opening her eyes.

“Yeah that’s what they tell me but I have never been good at listening to stupid orders” 

“Why are you here Raven” Clarke just sounded tired.

“Honestly… I don’t know… I just wanted to see if you were really as messed up as they said you were. Are you?”

Clarke opened her eyes then “What I am is a danger, and the sooner I can get you guys to realize that the better”

“You can’t possibly think that we would just give you back to them right?” 

“No that’s not what I am saying, I don’t want to go back to that any more than you want me to, but I haven’t been fixed Raven. I would still be a danger to you all if they were to get their hands on me.”

Raven paused at this, brow scrunched in concentration. Clarke seemed to become more animated after seeing this.

“Listen Raven, please you can keep that from happening, just get me out of here. I will leave, I will get as far away from the Ice Nation as possible”

“How is this any different from last time? The second you got out you started attacking us all, you could just be saying this to get out”

Clarke paused for a while, staring at her feet. A couple times she would suddenly clench her fists and then kinda shake it off. Finally she responded.

“I know nothing I can say will completely reassure you but …. I wont… I can’t be the cause of my people’s suffering anymore.. I never wanted that but I caused it. I will leave. I have to leave.”

By the end of her statement the look of half crazed desperation took Raven by surprise. Jasper told her about his conversation with Clarke before she left and she had been expecting that cold indifference that he had described. Raven had seen Clarke fight when she had broken out last time and honestly it had scared the shit out of her but this Clarke seemed to be different. She clearly still had her demons but she seemed to be fighting them. The commander wouldn’t have brought her back if she wasn’t at least a little better right?

“Where would you go Clarke?”

“..Honestly I don’t know, just away from here”

“Would you come back?”

“I don’t know”

“Your mom would kill me”

“Me being here could kill her”

 

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Abby had seen the grounder troops preparing for battle before, once against her people and once before they attacked the mountain, but this time was different. They were stoic and focused but there seemed to be a nervous tension this time unlike the last. And if the grounders were nervous then she had a feeling that things were worse than she had expected.

 

“Abby, have your people reinforced the south wall where their troops breached last time?” the Commander’s voice came from behind her. Spinning around Abby tried to school the growing dread that was settling in her stomach. 

“Yes, and we have reinforced the rest of the sections as well, they should be able to withstand a rolling flame ball this time.”

“Good, and your warriors?”

“My people are prepared and all the children have been moved to inside the Ark.”

“My last scout reported that the Ice Nation army was on the move, and that was just after we got here, I have not heard any of my other scouts which I believe means they may be closer than expected.”

“Raven has set up a few defenses in the surrounding woods, so hopefully we should be warned when they are nearby.”

“Plan for everything when the Ice Nation is involved” Lexa then turned and started shouting at her warriors that were setting up what looked like a medieval catapult.

 

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Raven was still staring at Clarke trying to figure out if she was playing some kind of game when there suddenly was an explosion off in the distance that rattled the walls of the Ark. Clarke’s head shot up, her eyes full of fear, “they are here”.  

“They must have set off one of my landmines, they are close to the perimeter”

“Raven you need to let me out now, we are out of time!”

Raven still seemed to hesitate, uncertainty clear on her face.

“If you don’t let me go, …. I need you to kill me”

This got a reaction out of her “What??”

“Raven if you are not going to let me go, then you need to kill me, if I am here when the Ice Nation gets in the gates, and they will, then they will free me and I don’t know what will happen, I might be able to fight it now but I don’t know, I can’t take that risk.”

Raven just stared at her for a solid two minutes, all while Clarke stared imploringly back while slightly shaking. 

Another explosion seemed to startle her to action. Raven moved over to Clarke and started to remove her bindings.

Clarke breathed out in relief “Thank you”

“Yeah don’t thank me yet, please don’t kill us all”

As the last of the chains fell off Clarke’s body seemed to tense and she got this cold look in her eyes. Raven started to back away holding up her hands in calming gesture. Clarke seemed to clench her jaw a few times and her fists were white.

“... Clarke…”

Another explosion rattled the Ark louder than the last causing Raven to involuntarily look off in the direction it came from. When she looked back Clarke was gone.

“Shit”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I love to hear what you think, you can comment here or find me on tumblr at mooshkila


	23. Battle Arkadia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle has begun.

Raven didn’t have much time to worry about what she had just done, because as she ran out of the outer door to the Ark she was met with the sounds of full scale chaos. She could see the Ice Nation forces that seemed to be coming out of the woods from every side. She could hear her people firing at them from the their positions behind the wall and arrows seemed to be coming from every angle. 

Ducking behind a spoke of metal that was coming off the Ark, Raven looked around to take stock of where everyone was. She could see the Commander with her forces over by the main gate where the majority of the Ice Nation warriors seemed to be gathered along with Bellamy and a group of the guard.

 

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Just sitting behind this barrier while arrows rained around her was driving her crazy. Octavia watched as her people fired at the tree line while she just sat there. But they had the wall and she had to just sit here and wait until the Ice Nation warriors breached it. Honestly it was a stupid plan in her opinion but she had been ignored by the council and here they were. She just felt like she needed to be doing something, but Lincoln had not taught her to use the bow and arrow well enough that she would be useful. 

But it really wasn’t a question of if they got through, but a question of when. Now she just needed to distract herself from the need to hit something.

 

A few minutes later a loud blast made Octavia look away from admiring the way Lincoln’s back muscles pulled when ever he drew the bow back. She looked over to a plume of smoke that obscured a section of the wall that was a few feet away from the front gate. She had no idea how but it seems like the ice nation was able to use some kind of explosive device because there now was a huge hole where the newly fortified fence used to be.

“SON OF A BITCH, THEY DID NOT!!” Raven’s voice came from a little ways to her right. After that it Octavia was able to piece it together, some Ice Nation warriors must have been able to dig up one of Raven’s landmines without setting it off somehow and then used it on the wall. Honestly she would have found it almost funny if she wasn’t now focused on the large grouping of Ice Nation warriors that was pouring into camp.

 

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Worse, yes this was far worse than last time the Ice Nation had attacked their camp. Bellamy was working to catch his breath while ducking behind a storage shed to avoid the arrows that had just been shot his way. In reality it had probably only been about 20 minutes since the wall was breached but he felt like they had been fighting all day. Blood was running down his left arm from when he had tried to take on two after his friend Tim had taken an arrow to the chest, he had only managed to get away after emptying his clip into the closest one and running off to regroup with others over by the meat smoking hut. Where are all these warriors coming from? It feels like there is just a never ending stream of them entering the camp. Luckily the smallish hole has bottlenecked them so they are able to confront most of them as they get it, but their ammo and numbers were dwindling.

 

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“My Queen! We are gaining ground inside the camp, their numbers are smaller than we expected. Although Heda and her forces have greatly reduced the amount of warriors we can get through the breach but we still have them on the defensive.” 

“Is there any sign of Clarke?”

There is silence for a second, long enough for Sona to finally turn and face the nervous looking man standing in the entrance to her tent. “No, we have not seen her yet, Heda came back with all of her trusted guards so we assume that she brought Clarke with her but where she is being kept is still unknown.”

Sona frowned at this. She had been hoping that Lexa would be stupid enough to think she had cured Clarke and to have her fight alongside them. This makes things infinitely less fun, now she will just have to defeat them the old fashion way and torture Clarke’s location out of whoever survives. And here she had woken up in such a good mood.

“When it seems like their ski weapons are used up, send in Tantar”

The warrior grimaced slightly at this. He hated dealing with him. Now he had no problems with killing off the entire skikru camp, but Tantar seemed to like it too much, and frankly he was an ass. “Yes my Queen” he said as he bowed out of the tent.

 

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“I AM OUT!” Bellamy heard from his right, he looked over in time to fire at the large Ice Nation warrior that was baring down on Tanner from farm station. But as he fired two shots into the warrior's chest, his second shot was followed by an unwelcomed clicking sound. 

“Shit” Bellamy threw his now empty gun to the side and stooped down to pick up the fallen warrior’s sword. It felt foreign in his hand, heavy and awkward, but it would have to do.

 

Fighting his way over to the right of the wall breech, he saw his friend Sam battling with an huge Ice Nation guy and seeming to be holding her own but then an arrow came out of nowhere hitting her leg and he was only able to watch as the warrior ran his sword through her chest. Bellamy wasn’t able to fully react or comprehend because a second later he saw another Ice Nation warrior pinning Harper to the ground. He took off in a sprint and through his whole body into the warrior, knocking him away. Not stopping to see if Harper was ok, Bellamy was able to swing his sword around, in a less than graceful manner, and kind of half-smack half-stab the warrior in the side of the face. The result was not pretty, knocking him to the side again but this time without his ear. Honestly Bellamy expected him to cry out or clutch his head, but this warrior had this creepy cold focus and only just started to get up again. Regardless of his surprise, Bellamy still had the upperhand and managed to swing the sword into his neck this time, effectively killing him.

Breathing heavily, Bellamy went back and tried to pull Harper out of the way so she could take cover.

 

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“Alright Tantar, go have your fun, remember the Queen says that your main target is the Commander”

The extremely large and grotesque man leered down at him “Ha, no wonder the Queen asked for me, you puny men couldn’t fight your way out of a flower field, watch how it’s done”

 

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Her warriors had been fighting well, but there were just too many of them. Lexa wasn’t sure how long she and her warriors could keep this up, more specifically she wasn’t sure how long the skikru could keep this up before they were all dead.

“HELP!” she heard it from off to her right. Taking a quick glance she sees an Ice Nation warrior advancing on a young skikru girl. With a quick turn and a heave, she launched a spear which buried itself in the warriors back dropping him to the ground.

 

A minute later there was a hushed silence that fell near the gate. She looked up and realized exactly what had caused a standstill, a man was standing there easily twice the size of any normal man and seemed to be dressed in an outfit of leather and human looking bones. After a second, the silence was broken by shot that ripped through the air, unfortunately only to rickashay off a bulkhead near the mammoth of a man. He roared then and barrelled towards where the shot had come from. Lexa watched in horror as the warrior smashes through trikru and skikru warriors alike. As he reaches the rather stunned looking skikru man he reaches out and backhands him, sending him flying into the wall to his right. The man did not get up after than and all hell broke loose again.

 

Lexa was trying to fight her way over to help Bellamy defend the entrance to the Ark, where she knew the children were hiding and Clarke was hidden, all while always keeping the really large warrior in her sights. It didn’t take long until she noticed him zero in on her. Sending a few of her warriors to go guard the Ark, She prepared to take on the giant that was coming her way. She started by firing arrows to try and slow him down while he was still outside of striking range. He seemed to bat them away like flies with his ax, only one arrow was able to nick his leg. Throwing her bow down she withdrew her sword that was on her back, she had faced many in her lifetime but she had a feeling this wasn’t going to be pretty.

 

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Clarke had been trying to get herself to leave since the battle started but she couldn’t get her feet to obey. She was perched in a tree to the south of the clearing that contained the Ark, her improved sight made it so she could be out of view of the Ice Nation warriors that had surrounded the camp, but still able to see everything that happened in the battle. Her entire body was rigid as she watched the carnage ensue. She knew that she couldn’t go down there, it was hard enough to resist the way she felt called to return at the mere sight of an Ice Nation warrior, she would not be able to see Sona and resist submitting. Without Lexa’s warriors this would have been a massacre, that much was clear, but even with them she could see that they were losing.

Clarke tried to watch everything but she found her gaze continuously returning to Lexa, just to make sure that she was still alive.

She really should leave, she couldn’t risk hurting them.

Lexa would keep them safe.

Yes she should go.

Wait… no. no no no no no.

Clarke focused in on what was just entering the camp. She knew that form, and she knew exactly what he was capable of. She had trained with Tantar back in the Ice Nation and she had watched him destroy entire villages, and do unspeakable things to the men, women, and children there. Sona usually didn’t use him except for those that she had a personal hate for. Which all clicked into place as Clarke saw him make a beeline for Lexa.

 

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What were they feeding this warrior? Lexa’s entire being would violently shake each time she deflected one of the giant’s blows with his ax. She was breathing heavily and sweat covered her whole body. Bleeding steadily from a wound on her left arm and right leg, she tried to dodge the next swing. Stepping to the side she lunged forward clipping his leg with her sword. The warrior roared and brought his ax swinging down at her with terrifying speed. Lexa was only just able to dive to the side.

After a little while Lexa started to notice that the large warrior would over swing every time she was on his left side, leaving him over extended and vulnerable for a fraction of a second. She had been missing this because almost every time he swung at her she had to roll away or use her entire strength to deflect the blow. So this time as she positioned herself to his right, she made sure to duck towards him as opposed to away. Just as she had noticed his ax swing left him over rotated with his midsection exposed. Lunging in she was able to bury her sword into his side where his armor had a gap. He let loose an enraged yell and swung at her again as he staggered forward. Lexa could see blood streaming down his side and leg and his movements were a little more jerky and spastic but he kept moving forward. Just as she was about to exploit his new vulnerabilities, she saw a small boy stumble out from behind a shed holding a gun. He fired a few times but missed, terror clear in his eyes. The warrior took a step towards the boy who had frozen in his place. She only had a second to act, running towards the boy she was only just able to get in front of him as his ax came down, although she had her sword up in time, the sear momentum of the swing sent Lexa flying into the wall to her right. Seering pain lanced up her shoulder and through her head as she crumpled. As she got up, she blearily wiped blood from her eyes as it seemed like two giant ice nation warriors were lumbering towards her. She shakily stood but was unable to fully bring her sword up as the dizziness in her head increased. She fell back down to her knees. The seemingly duplicated warrior merged back into one, but her clearing head was no help as he was now towering over her about to deal a death blow. Just as she braced herself for the swing of the ax, there was something standing over her and a loud clang as the ax was deflected.

Lexa watched as Clarke, who had appeared out of nowhere, battled with the giant. She seemed to move faster than Lexa’s clearing head could process, forcing the warrior now to meet her now on the defensive. The clangs increased in tempo and volume as the two danced around each other. 

 

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Sona had been watching Lexa’s battle with Tantar with excitement. Her brute of a warrior clearly could crush her if given the chance and she believed that this might actually be the moment that she finally gets her revenge, that she finally gets to see Lexa defeated. As Lexa had gone crashing into the wall after foolishly trying to save that young boy Sona had cried out in glee, this was it. But just as Tantar was about to give the death blow, Clarke had come out of nowhere and saved her! She had been frozen for a second out of shock, she had known that they were trying to reverse the jusgona process but Clarke actively working against her order had surprised her. But after the initial shock wore off a grin started to grow on her face.

Oh this will better.

 

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Lexa watched as Clarke continued to strike at the warrior, forcing him to lose ground each time. The giant’s swings of his ax had become increasingly desperate and wild in his exhaustion. In one lucky strike he managed to knock Clarke to the side, taking advantage of that moment, he barreled towards Lexa ax raised in a last attempt to finish his mission. But as he got within striking distance a sword burst through his chest and out through his armor. As he fell forward, Clarke was revealed on the other side, gripping the blade she had somehow forced through his armor plating and ribcage. 

Breathing heavily the blonde stared at her with worry in her eyes. But before she could take a step towards her they heard a shout.

“Stop!” Sona’s voice ripped through the silence that had fallen once Clarke had arrived. The girl froze. A few trikru warriors raised their weapons as the Ice Queen rounded the corner with a complement of her warriors around her.

“Look around you, we have you surrounded” 

And it was true, as those had been focused on Clarke’s battle had been distracted, the Ice Nation warriors had captured everyone who was still alive, holding them at knife or arrow point and tying their hands behind their backs. As they looked around, some were brought forward to kneel close to where Sona was standing, Abby, Octavia, Lincoln and Indra among them.

 

Lexa stood now looking around to see what options they had left, but it seemed that Sona was right, they were trapped.

 

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She hadn’t really been thinking of anything other than protecting Lexa when she had jumped out to take on Tantar. The liquid panic that had filled her stomach had only started to drain as she had looked up from Tantar’s body to see that Lexa was alive and staring back at her. Just as she was about to go over and make sure she was uninjured, Clarke heard a voice that made her entire body lock up. Pain lanced up her back as she fought to keep the fog from entering her mind and force her to submit completely. She stood rigidly as she watched the remaining skikru and trikru forced to drop their weapons. She could hear the Queen speaking but since it wasn’t directed at her, Clarke was putting all of her focus into not relinquishing control of her body. She vaguely notices that her mother was among those that were lined up next to the queen with their hands tied behind their backs.

“Clarke come here” Sona’s voice cut through the air.

Clarke had no choice, her body walked her over to where the Ice Queen was standing.

“Well Clarke, to say I am disappointed would be an understatement” Sona seemed to relish as she watched Clarke react to the lancing pain that she knew would be surging through her body. 

“Come its time this ends” She says while motioning Clarke to stand beside her.

“Bring the Commander forward!” Sona yelled to her warriors that were keeping Lexa at knife point. But quickly glanced back at Clarke in surprise as she let loose a short whimper and jolted forward a bit.

Holding up a hand for her warriors to stop and leave the Commander where she was. “What is this? It seems you have fallen farther than I had expected my dear”

“Kneel” Sona commanded with steel in her voice now.

Clarke again found herself unable to stop her body from complying. She was only just able to exert enough control to stop following the orders that would end Lexa’s life, and that took her entire being, she was not able to muster the same crazed will power with these other kinds of orders.

The Queen came to stand behind her, brushing Clarke’s hair off her back she leaned in next to her ear. “I guess we will have to fix that first”

The Queen then ripped the back of Clarke’s shirt, exposing the top part of her back. Shivering Clarke realizes what Sona is about to do but she can not find the strength to move away. A slash of warm pain lances across her back and she feels hot liquid run down her back. She can hear her mother calling out for them to stop. Then she hears the pop of a top coming off a bottle and she braces her body. She locks eyes with Lexa then who is still being forced to kneel at the other end of the circle of warriors, she sees the worry and fear that she is sure is in her own eyes reflected back at her. Then something is pressed into her fresh back wound and fire erupts across her body. She is unable to remain completely silent, a low guttural grone breaks out of her mouth as she twitches and folds in on herself.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Lexa is unable to do anything as she watches Clarke crumple and continue to twitch. She can see the bright green mixture that was rubbed into her back now that Clarke has bent over showing them all the fresh cut in her back. Rage and dread boil in her veins, she should kill the woman who would continue to cause this kind of suffering, especially in Clarke who had only just started to heal. 

It seemed to take ages but Clarke finally stopped shaking and started to straighten up. Lexa’s heart sank as she saw that the cold expressionless mask had returned to Clarke’s face. She continued to watch as Clarke stood facing out, her eyes not seeming to be focused on anything. Sona walked up behind her and whispered in her ear and placed a sword in her hand. Panic seemed to cross her face for a second and then was gone as her body sprung to action.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sona had realized that somehow Clarke had found the strength to resist the conditioning when Lexa was involved, she still had some fight in her, and so now as Clarke stood up again she got an idea of how to break her once and for all. Then she would have her perfect warrior.

Striding up behind the rigid Clarke she whispered in her ear.

“There is still work to be done. But first I need to show you that you are mine.”

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Clarke moved in the comfort of the fog, seeing and moving without feeling. The voice of the Queen seemed to be the only thing at full volume and she did whatever it asked.

Panic raced through her but was gone before she could remember why and her body was moving. Darting to her left she moved towards her target with swift speed. Her sword was buried in her targets chest before they were even able to register the attack. Blood ran over the hilt and her hands as she looked up to the face of her victim. But what she found broke her. Her mind cleared enough for realization to set in as she watched her mother crumple in front of her.

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no

A strangled gasp was ripped from her lungs. Clarke fell to her knees with the body of her mother. What had she done.

“Clarke” Sona’s voice cut through her spiraling thoughts. 

The hollow shell that was her body stood.

“Come back here Clarke”

She had no will left to even attempt to fight, her hands still covered in her mother’s blood, Clarke returned the the Queen’s side.

The camp was silent apart from the sounds of Kane trying to fight off his guard to get to Abby.

“Now that I have your attention Clarke, I need you to do what I sent you here for, I need you to kill the Commander.”

With that Sona motioned for Lexa to be let up and given a weapon.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Lexa watched in horror as Clarke started to walk toward her, swinging the blade that she had just used to kill Abby.

Taking up a defensive stance she figured she would try to reach out to that part of the girl she was sure was still there.

“Clarke please, you don’t have to do this, you can fight it I know you can!”

She was met with silence as Clarke continued to come towards her. Lexa countered Clarke’s first few strikes, but had to start striking back as the girl didn’t seem to be responding to her attempts to get through to her. They battled back and forth across the circle, the tempo of their strikes increasing. Clarke had the clear advantage but somehow Lexa was able to block almost every one of her attacks. Clarke had been able to nick Lexa’s leg but had failed to inflict a very deep cut. Clarke continued to push Lexa into having to fight back harder and harder to keep up with her attacks. Clarke brought her sword down with crushing strength as Lexa brought her own up to stop it. Lexa huffed as she worked to keep Clarke’s sword from coming any closer to her face. And they were basically pressed together straining against the other’s blades, Lexa looked up to see Clarke’s impassive face had tears running down her cheeks and she could see the tints of devastation in her eyes.

“Kill me, please, just kill me” Clarke whispered as she pushed down a little harder on the blade.

Lexa had to reach out with one hand to take the other end of her sword. The metal cut into her palm as she was able to push Clarke off. 

“I won't do that Clarke” Lexa growled.

“You won’t have a choice, it’s that or die” Clarke huffed out as she swung at Lexa again. Clarke seemed to pick up the pace and power behind her attacks as if to prove her point. Lexa was panting at the effort it took to keep up with her blows. Suddenly a flick of Clarke’s sword sent Lexa’s sword flying. Dodging out of the way of another swing, Lexa dives to the right where she had seen a spear on the ground. She was able to pick it up just in time to block another swing of Clarke’s blade. They traded a few more blows when suddenly one of Clarke’s over extended attacks gave her the opportunity to strike. She lashed out with her spear, cutting along Clarke’s arm forcing her to drop her sword. And as she started to bend down to pick it up, Lexa brings the other end of her speak up at Clarke’s face sending her flying back. Kicking the sword away, Lexa takes a few paces back holding the spear pointed at Clarke.    
Clarke was back on her feet but clearly within striking range of Lexa and her spear.

“Finish her!!” Sona yelled

Clarke jerked toward her.

“Clarke just stay there please” Lexa pleaded.

Clarke’s eyes locked on her, with tears still falling from them. “I can’t”

As Clarke started running towards her Lexa let her spear fly.

  
Clarke didn’t stop running at her as Lexa’s spear flew past her, but she came to a faltering halt as she heard it strike a body. Turning slightly Clarke watched as the Ice Queen fell to the side with a spear protruding from her chest. Lexa watched as Clarke froze for a second, and then crumpled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry. Feel free to yell at me here or on tumblr (mooshkila). Happy Ending endgame I promise, even if it just seems like I am continuously making it worse.


	24. Heart Monitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Immediate aftermath of the fight, and Clarke's condition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, sorry sorry, I am just going to say that I am eternally sorry for being late with the updates, not for any one reason but just for who I am as a person.   
> Secondly, this is a short little blurb that I wanted to get to you because it had been to long already. I have kind of reached the point that I had pre-planned out in my head when I started this story so I am doing some writers sole searching to figure out where I want to go from here. So if you have any ideas feel free to msg me here or on tumblr @mooshkila
> 
> Also side note: I started this before I knew about Echo being from the Ice Nation and rather traitorous, so she is from the trikru and nice in mine.

Lexa paced back and forth in front of the tent entry. Over a day had passed since she had killed the Ice Queen but Clarke was still unconscious. 

The fighting had all but stopped after the Queen had died. The remaining Ice Nation forces had laid down their weapons and surrendered. Most of warriors seemed a little befuddled while being marched back to the Ice Nation territory under Trikru guard. But more concerning was that a few of the warriors that were higher in the ranks had collapsed just as Clarke had, and were unable to be revived. The last one had died an hour ago. Jackson, one of the skikru healers, couldn’t explain it. He said that the warriors bodies just shut down.

Lexa had sent one of her top generals and his warriors to the Ice Nation to oversee the shift in rulers. She had declared that no member of Sona’s bloodline or council could take the throne, and so the trials were to take place to determine the next ruler.

 

“What is happening Lincoln?” Lexa asked almost desperately as the man came out of the tent. 

“Honestly I don’t know” he sighed. “I believe that at least partialy what the Ice Queen did to Clarke and to her warriors bound them to her, and so when she died those that were tightly bound when down with her.”

Lexa looked up at the sky willing herself not to cry in the open.

“Is there anything we can do?”

“I don’t know, but the fact that she is still alive means she is fighting for something. We just have to hope that it’s enough.”

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The past three days had gone by in a blur. Bellamy had just moved around in a haze, removing the bodies of friends and enemies alike. It had taken them nearly the whole day to remove all the bodies. The Ice Nation ones were burned immediately but those of the skikru and trikru were delivered to their respective families if they remained.

 

Wanting to check up on how the wall was doing he made his way over to where his sister and Lincoln were carving out new stakes to support the new part of the fence. 

“How is it going over here O?”

“Fine, we should have this section up by nightfall. How is Clarke doing?”

Octavia knew that her brother had been hovering over the medical tent for the better part of the last three days, whether it was for the grounder that had saved him or Clarke it meant he was always nearby. 

“Same as yesterday, Jackson had to give her an IV but he is worried about how to get food into her system if she doesn’t wake up soon.”

He saw his sister’s face darken for a moment and then she hastily returned to work. He knew that she still resented Clarke for the missile and for leaving, but that mostly she was just frustrated that she could do nothing for her friend. He understood the feeling. Bellamy was going mad just sitting there and watching Clarke deteriorate when there was nothing he could do to fix it. That’s what he was supposed to do, he was supposed to protect them, but it seems like the only one that could ever really do that was Clarke and now he was helpless to save her.

 

He made his way back to the healing tent after dinner, bringing food with him.

“How are we feeling today?”

“Like a gufa” the grumpy looking warrior responded.

“Echo you are not a child, you are simply injured, and if you take it easy you will be back to swinging a sword in no time” Bellamy responded placing some food next to her.

“Easy for you to say, you haven’t been chained to this bed while your people fought and died.”

Bellamy sighed, it had been the same discussion for the past three days, but he could see that it wasn’t bothering her as much anymore.

They ate in silence for a little while. Near the end of the makeshift meal, Echo stiffened as someone walked in the tent, giving a short nod to whoever had walked in. Turning around Bellamy watched as the Commander made her way over to where he knew Clarke’s bed was located.

“How many times has she been in here today?” Bellamy asked.

“This is the third time I have been awake for.”

Bellamy just sighed again has he listened to the beep of Clarke’s heart monitor in the corner of the room.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Lexa watched as Clarke breathed in and out. The box on the side of her bed continued to make a rhythmic beeping which she had been told indicated that her heart was still beating. She knew that Clarke was still alive but she did not look it. There was no flutter to her eyelids or twitch to her fingers as one usually sees with someone asleep. Her body was still and her face sunken.

Lexa had been trying to figure out if there had been any other thing she could have done, any other path she could have taken that would not have resulted in Clarke dead or like this. But each time she had come up empty. Sona had to die. But it broke her to see Clarke like this.

 

After a few hours the sun had set and the camp had grown quiet.

“I am so sorry Clarke. I never wanted any of this for you. I know it will be hard to fight your way back after all that has happened but.. Your people need you… I … I need you” Lexa whispered. With that she stood up, straightened her shoulders, and strode out of the tent. If she had stayed a little longer, she might have noticed clarke’s fingers twitch or a slight uptick in her heart rate monitor.


	25. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke finds what she needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for the long wait. No real excuse other than an internship that demanded my time.

The Skikru camp rebuilding was nearing completion, and many of the trikru warriors that were not in critical condition had returned to their villages and families. Lexa made her way around the camp, checking in with those of her people that remained as well as the different skikru work areas.

She had noted that one of her own had been seen limping around the encampment with Bellamy never too far away. That was an interesting development.

 

Kane had gone ahead and had Abby’s funeral earlier that morning. She had tried to argue that they should wait for Clarke to wake up, but since Jackson could offer no guarantees of when that would be, Kane had gone ahead. Being outside of her people, Lexa had no say in the matter, but it pained her to know how much Clarke will regret not being able to attend. There is an area near the back where the skikru had started to bury their dead. Lexa found this a rather curious practice, as her own people believed that once the soul had left the body it was useless to hold on to it. They burned the bodies to return them to the spirit. But she has seen many of the skikru coming up to the graves and leaving things, or sitting with them for a while. This practice must offer some kind of outlet or comfort to those that the dead left behind.

 

After lunch Lexa spent a good portion of the afternoon training with some of her remaining warriors. They were still unsure if the word had gotten around to all the ice nation warriors and so needed to stay alert. 

 

Before returning to her tent to bathe and change, she wanted to check in on Clarke. She felt bad for not having been by much today. As she swept into the medical tent she gave Jackson a nod as she passed. Pushing some of her sweaty hair out of her face, Lexa stopped dead as she drew back the curtain. Clarke was gone.

“Clarke?” Lexa almost whispered as she frantically looked around the room.

“Jackson!!”

“What! What! What is it, is she seizing again?” Jackson yelled as he hurtled into the room.

“Whaa…” Jackson’s confusion was cut off as Lexa stormed out yelling for every warrior in earshot.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

One month later

 

Octavia was foraging near the river bank when she saw it, there were recent footprints in the mud across the river from where she was. All it took was a well placed leap and the acceptance of soggy pant legs and she was off, following the footprints to the south. There really hadn’t been many unknown travelers in this region since the reapers and ice nation had disappeared. Obviously the ice nation had not disappeared completely, but they rarely ventured outside of their borders lately. Internal political restructuring had consumed most of their peoples attention and trans-tribal interactions were low on their priority list.

 

The footprints took her to a clearing around 200 feet from the river. There was a small structure on the other side of the clearing with a fire pit that was still smoking. Octavia had half a mind to leave without bothering the inhabitants much, assuming that the lodger was one of the wandering nomads. But something tickled the back of her mind and made her stay. She crouched in the brush for close to an hour until she saw movement off to the westernmost edge.

 

A figure came stumbling out into the clearing dragging a rather large deer behind her. The form was clad in a hood and jacket, obscuring their form. The huff that Octavia released produced a cloud of condensation from her mouth in the fall chill. Watching as the figure dragged the deer carcase to the side of the fire pit, she realized the considerable strength of the individual since it was a rather sizable animal and they moved it with relative ease.

 

As the breeze wafted the smoke from the fire, Octavia’s stomach grumbled as the smell of the roasting deer reached her nose. It was only after the figure sat down to enjoy their meal that they removed their hood. The blonde curls bounced out as the hood fell onto their back and Octavia knew who it was. Clarke sat as she watched, turning the piece of deer over the fire as it cooked.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“I saw her not half a day's ride from here Heda” Octavia told her as she stood before her. Lexa was unable to keep still. She paced before Octavia and Indra as they reported on the southern region of the trikru territory. Lexa had given up hope of finding Clarke until she wanted to be found after around 20 days of searching.

 

In the days after Clarke’s disappearance, Lexa had been frantic in her searches of the surrounding forest. She had sent out all of the remaining gonas she had at her disposal and spent hours each day herself searching. It wasn’t until she had a rather vivid dream that Clarke had been with her, telling her not to look for her, that she was alright and simply needed additional time to come to grips with what had happened to her. After that night, Lexa had ordered all remaining warriors to return to their villages and contribute to the rebuilding effort. In her final calculation, there really had been no village left unaffected, many had suffered damage at the hands of the ice nations and most had suffered losses.

 

Loss. That was what she felt. She had done all that she could to protect her people, but she had lost Clarke. Clarke had been a victim of the ice queen’s vendetta against her. She had never understood why the ice queen had blamed her for her eldest daughter's death. The Mountain Men had claimed her during a raid that she had been present for even before she had ascended to the position of commander. Regardless of the cause of the ice queen's hate, it had cost her Clarke.

 

Hope started to blossom in her chest. Clarke was alive, and near by. She could go and find her, bring her back to the comfort and security of the coalition. Should she go find her? Clarke had been invisible for over a month, avoiding the search parties that Lexa had sent out and clearly not wanting to contact her people. If she was now in the open that had to be a sign right? She wanted to be found right?

 

Lexa didn’t set out until the following morning, spending most of the night tossing and turning, unsure of what to do. Commanding her guards and a very unhappy Indra to remain, Lexa set out for where Octavia had said that Clarke’s camp was located. 

 

When she neared the clearing she felt a breath on the back of her neck.

“I knew Octavia was there.” The voice said

Lexa remained silent

“I told you to leave me be… but I knew you wouldn’t be far behind….. I could have moved” Clarke whispered.

They were both silent for a long time after. Lexa refusing to move or speak.

 

After what felt like hours, Clarke moved in front of her, walking into the clearing without looking back. Lexa followed. She went to sit next to the fire pit and started to kindle a fire.

 

“Clarke..” Lexa’s voice broke the silence.

“Don’t” Clarke’s voice broke

“I know what your are going to say….and I just can’t.” she spoke to the ground. “She was my mother, I should have been able to resist her but I couldn’t…”

Lexa moved closer to the quivering girl, unable to stomach the amount of pain coming off her.

“I should have been able to resist the command…. I wasn’t able to … when it was you I was…” Clarke stopped and looked up at her desperately, seeming to be searching for something.

“What Clarke?” Lexa croaked.

“I was able to resist her when it was you” Clarke said it a near whisper.

Lexa stared at her to try and determine the veracity of the girl’s statement. But there was no wavering in her tone, no shifting in her eyes. Just a watering stare that seemed to drown in both sadness and devotion.

“Why are you so different?” she asked

Pleading eyes bored into her seeming to hope for an answer.

“I don’t have an answer for you Clarke” apologetic eyes returned her gaze.

Seconds turn into minutes as they stare at eachother. Tears well in Clarke’s eyes as she realizes that Lexa doesn’t have a way to absolve her sins. A strangled sob eruptes from her chest. Lexa clutches the girl as she succumbs to the violent tears that wrack her body.

 

It takes a while before unconsciousness takes Clarke’s body, Lexa lets her slump into her lap as she sinks to the floor. How much more can they owe to their people she wonders, Clarke has literally given her whole body and soul to the protection of her people and it still wasn’t enough to protect them all.

 

“I understand” comes a whisper from Clarke’s mouth as Lexa strokes her hair in the firelight. “I understand why you did it, I understand why you left me” Clarke murmurs. Lexa tenses and draws a deep breath. “I get it, and I am sorry” Clark says.

“You have nothing to be sorry about” 

“I am sorry for putting you in that position” Lexa clarifies.

“I know that, I know that things were not as simple as they seem. And I am sorry for blaming you. I would…. I did the same thing.” Clarke said.

“Regardless, I am sorry for the pain it caused you.” Lexa soothed.

 

Clarke looked up at her, Lexa’s waverless expression looked back at her, jaw resolute and assured of what she was saying. It was that, the absolute certainty and certainty that took her breath away. It was then that she moved her lips up to Lexa’s. Lexa had been her rock, and had always fought for her. She had no doubts that she would always fight for her. But when her lips connected with Lexa’s, everything else felt right.

  
“I don’t know what comes next, but I know I need you” Clarke breathed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this did not satisfy you needs, I had not planned the ending when I envisioned this story so I am not sure I did the story justice. Clarke still has a long way to go, but she has found Lexa and that is the most important step. If only we could all find our own Lexas.


End file.
